Armed with charm

Four college students get a lesson in business etiquette and professional small talk

Patricia Kitchen | Change@work

May 9, 2004

Dinah Day , an image consultant, gives Shablall Mohabir some tips. (May 9, 2004)

Last of three articles

Stand about 12 inches apart. Look one another in the face -- not necessarily in an eye-lock. Shake hands firmly, though no "death squeeze."

Those were the instructions that Dinah Day, a career coach who has a consulting business, Image Circle Inc., in Manhattan, gave to four college students getting lessons in etiquette, small talk and professional polish. It was their third and final session in a "charm school" makeover, having already hit on basic speaking skills and interview attire.

"Business etiquette," she said, "is a set of invisible skills that are not so apparent until all of a sudden you need to use them." Such savvy can range from knowing enough not to lug a backpack, shopping bag and water bottle on an interview to speaking graciously to the receptionist when you get off the elevator.

Patricia Kitchen Bio | E-mail | Recent columns

Lessons learned

One thing Shablall Mohabir, 23, said he learned from the recent Saturday morning session, held at a Manhattan studio, was that when you enter an interviewer's office you should generally wait for him or her to indicate where to sit. Mohabir, about to get his degree in computer engineering technology from Farmingdale State University of New York, said that on interviews so far, "I've just gone in and sat down. I haven't waited for them to offer me a seat."

Other nuggets of etiquette know-how that Day relayed:

When you're seated in the reception area and the interviewer approaches, you should stand and be prepared to shake hands.

Even though interviewers will likely call you by your first name, you should refer to them as Mr. or Ms., unless told otherwise.

When getting on an elevator, the person closest gets on first and holds the door for others. When getting off, men should let women leave first.

If a second manager comes into the room and you are introduced, you should stand and shake his or her hand and make a point of using the person's name, as in, "Nice to meet you, Mr. So-and-So."

If you're meeting over lunch, take care not to "put on the feedbag," said Day. "Less is more." And order something easy to eat that won't end up all over your face or in your lap.

"I knew there were a lot of details," said Okhela Bazile, 21, a junior finance major at Pace University. "I just didn't know the answers."

Stand-up etiquette

Day had also told them that once you're on the job and the boss comes into your office, you should make the move to stand up. Often you are motioned to stay seated, but it's still a sign of respect. And Bazile, who will be interning this summer in the product sales division of Bloomberg LP, said she was glad to have learned that.

She fared pretty well in the mock introduction-small talk exercise, though Day told her she could put more volume into her voice. That's a challenge, said Bazile, since she's gotten messages from some family members that women should be soft-spoken.

Mohabir, also, has some ingrained patterns to work on. He had been paired up with Emily Buchberg, 19, a fashion marketing student from Nassau Community College who also works for Nordstrom. Mohabir responded to her description of her work by simply saying "uh-huh, uh-huh."

Jump in and ask some questions, Day told him. "You're looking for common ground." It's important to follow your natural curiosity and ask something like, "How does that customer service technique work?" or "Is that different from other department stores?"

Mohabir said he thought it would be considered rude for him to shift the conversation, but Day told him it's really just being "an interested participant."

Young people often hold back in that way, thinking they need to be serious and stiff, she said. "They check their personality and pizzazz at the door with their coat." But, it's perfectly fine to be expressive in an appropriate way. So, if you enter the interviewer's office and see a model sailboat on the desk, you might say, "Do you enjoy sailing? I've just started taking lessons."

Buchberg had no problem expressing enthusiasm about her work when she was paired with Carlos Castillo, 23, a media arts major at Long Island University, Brooklyn campus. Indeed, she started off the conversation in a high voice "at fever pitch," said Day. "You have nowhere else to go but higher." Buchberg's assignment: Start off slower, tone it down, style that enthusiasm.

Castillo, too, was told to get more engaged in the conversation. Think of this as "verbal tennis," Day said. Your partner speaks for a while, and you interject something like, "I can tell you really like your job." Or you can build a bridge to your own profession by saying something like, "I agree with that, and in my profession as a camera operator . . ."

"It's not impolite to bring your own life and skills into it," Day said. And, indeed, Castillo said he was glad to hear that. Like many people, he had been allowing the other person to dominate, thinking he would have a chance to make his point eventually, only to find that inevitably the conversation veered to something else.

"I learned I shouldn't be letting the other person go on and on and on. Then it's too much of a one-sided conversation."

He said it was also great to have the chance to practice more formal introductions, because "the way you shake hands with your friends isn't the same way you would shake hands with the deans."

'Psychic income'

Castillo also brought up a lesson from the first session in which Day talked about "psychic income," that thrill you get from doing something you love. "It's about being true to yourself," he said. And, indeed, that and the value of self-confidence were recurring themes.

To sum things up, Day told them that mastering all the minutiae of speaking and appropriate dressing and etiquette will help them be more confident. That way, when they go on an interview and step on the elevator they can say, "Yes, I have a good resume. Yes, I've researched the company. Yes, I feel I can carry on a conversation. Yes, I know how to comport myself."

That cuts way down on anxiety and allows you, instead, to focus on a more powerful image -- of yourself as someone whom Day describes as "the solution to a problem that the company has."