DEAR AMY: I have been married for 20 years. During much of that time, my husband has accused me of sleeping with some of the men I've worked with. Though I am friends with my co-workers, I have never been unfaithful. I have come to discover my husband has been having sexually explicit conversations with a girl he knew from high school. I have found his profile on dating sites listing him as "single and looking for a commitment." I am unsure if he has been having affairs all this time and has been blaming me to lessen his own guilt. Should I cut my losses? We still have one child at home.
Wondering, Not WanderingDEAR WONDERING: If you chose to cut your losses, what would that process be like? After 20 years, you have to deal with your marriage, even if you ultimately choose to leave it.
I think it's probable, if not likely, that your husband has created a smoke screen of cheating accusations to obscure his own behavior. You could start a conversation by taking that elephant in your living room out for a little stroll.
Reply to one of his online dating profiles.
"You're seeking commitment? Awesome! So am I!" you can say.
Then you can take your conversation to the office of a professional marriage counselor.
DEAR AMY: "Tired" was a 12-year-old girl who complained that her parents made her do too much housework on the weekends -- and were never satisfied. Years ago, when I lived next door to your mother, she and I agreed that the best reason to have kids was to have someone to help with the chores.Former Neighbor
DEAR NEIGHBOR: My mother was a character who taught us to break up the chores with a good book.
I miss her.