Almost granny wants kids to call her Jane

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Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: My son is 31 and has had only two serious relationships. He has been seeing a co-worker for several months -- since meeting at a Christmas party -- and she has moved into his home along with her two children (3 and 16 months). I am very happy my son has found someone who makes him happy. What should these children call me? They call my son by his first name. I am not comfortable having them call me grandmother or any cute made-up name. I would rather they call me by my first name, but my son and the children's mother prefer they call me some reference to grandma. What do you think?Jane

DEAR JANE: While this issue sometimes seems trivial, it is important because it has to do with identity.

It would be one thing if you were insisting on being addressed as "Grandma." You are asking that you be called by your name. Why is this unacceptable? The inconsistency about this is confusing. It is OK for the kids to address your son by his first name but you have to be "Grammie?" Marriage might clarify matters.

The children should call you by your first name.

DEAR AMY: "Upset" was a college student who described playing a "truth or dare" game in which the loser (Upset) had to endure the preselected punishment. The student wanted to sever ties with the group. You said this was hazing! This wasn't a fraternity or sports team. Amy, sometimes people just need to buck up, take their "punishment" and get over it!AngryDEAR ANGRY: "Upset" described this as a "sort of hazing that lasted for several hours." This sort of organized, group behavior is hazing and it got out of control. I agreed with "Upset's" choice to ditch this group. Calling something what it is and standing up to the perpetrators is "bucking up" in my book.