Ask Amy: Stop gifts to ungrateful godchild

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: We were asked to be godparents to a friend's son when he was born. We always send him money and cards. Now he is 30 and an attorney, and we are now on a fixed income. Should we continue to send him gifts? He never sends us a card for our birthdays or Christmas. If we don't continue, his mother will have hard feelings toward us.

--Confused Godparents

 

DEAR CONFUSED: You have been very kind to this man throughout his life, and you can rest easy knowing that you have done your best to honor this special relationship with him. Being named godparents does not obligate you to a lifetime of gift giving.

You have my permission to stop. If his mother harbors hard feelings toward you because of this, then she is not really much of a friend.

 

DEAR AMY: I recently went on a vacation with my girlfriend. We agreed to split expenses equally. A few days before the trip, she asked if I would mind if she shortened her stay by one day due to a last-minute family commitment. I said, no problem. She switched her flight, which cost her some money. We "broke up" during the vacation. Upon my return, she asked me to reimburse her for the cost of the last night of the hotel. She claimed it was unfair of her to have to pay for a night when she wasn't staying there. A few items I bought on the trip ended up in her luggage, and she won't return them to me until I "pay her back." I don't feel I need to reimburse her. Who is right?

--Frustrated Former

DEAR FORMER: You are. I'm going to demand, in my best Judge Judy voice, that your ex return your possessions to you. Then you two should call it a day.

 

DEAR AMY: "Wannabe Mommy" was worried about repeating her parents' mistakes when raising her own child. I, too, worried about that, because my mother was so emotionally cold to me. Whenever there was a family conflict, I was always blamed. When I saved myself from being molested by an older friend of my parents at the age of 14 and told my mother about it, she blamed me. When my daughter was born, I wrote in a little book "I will never treat her as my mother treated me." To this day, 42 years later, my daughter is my best friend. When it comes to parenting, history does not have to repeat itself.Reader in Ohio

 

DEAR READER: Your resolve is admirable. The proof is in your positive and loving relationship. That's a new family legacy to carry forward.