Boyfriend comes, goes -- and she's confused

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: My boyfriend recently broke up with me because he said we "want different things." I asked to meet him two weeks later to discuss some medical issues I was having. When we met, he told me he made a huge mistake in breaking up with me. While we were a couple, we had planned four different times to move in together and every time, he backed out. He claims he's ready to have an adult relationship with me, but I'm afraid he will just let me down again. Should I take another chance?

Torn and ConfusedDEAR TORN: I see this as a science experiment. You take the same elements (you plus him) and combine them and add a reactant (live-in commitment). You do this experiment four times and each time you get the same result: One of the elements (him) vaporizes.

How many times do you need to experience this outcome to believe it? So, yes, you do want different things. You want a live-in commitment, and he wants to miss you from afar.

If your guy wants to change the outcome, he'll have to provide the proof. If he wants to be with you, he can find a counselor, set up an appointment and ask you to join him.

DEAR AMY: I am replying to "Disgusted," who disagreed when you said a 16-year-old who did not consent to sex with a 19-year-old (but didn't yell or fight) was raped. People think if the female doesn't fight it isn't rape. If I go to someone's house and they take my purse and jewelry, isn't that theft, even if I am scared and don't fight back? If someone walks up to me in a parking lot and takes my purse, isn't it theft, even if I don't fight? If someone jumps into my car and takes off while I am loading groceries, isn't it still robbery?Marsha

DEAR MARSHA: You have very efficiently described the issue, and I appreciate it.