DEAR AMY: I'm dating a guy whose best friend is a woman. They used to date in high school (we're both in our late 20s now), and she has happily been dating someone else for three years. She introduced me to my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I didn't start dating until two months ago because I was wary about the friendship between the two. They've never acted as more than friends, but for all I knew there were still feelings pushed way down for either one of them. Here's where my problem (or paranoia) comes in. I just found out that another "best friend" couple I know have been secretly hooking up. The woman has been single, but the guy has been in a relationship the whole time. I'm starting to wonder if a guy and girl can be best friends without some sort of "more than friends" feelings being there. I'm starting to doubt getting into a relationship with my boyfriend in the first place. Tell me it is possible for a guy and girl to be best friends without underlying feelings.Paranoid in NebraskaDEAR PARANOID: It is possible for a guy and girl to be best friends without underlying feelings. For proof, don't watch the great film on this subject, "When Harry Met Sally."
I do firmly believe that men and women can be close, long-term friends without having simmering and buried sexual feelings and without cheating on their partners.
Best friends maintain a special status, but everyone in the friendship circle needs to respect the relationship between the couple, especially the couple themselves. After only two months, you two are still dancing on the fringes, but for true intimacy, your relationship needs to reside at the center.
You and your guy could cheat on each other at any time and with anyone. But as far as you know, he and his female friend have handled their friendship appropriately. If you're going to start plumbing people's inner lives for long-buried passions, then we're all in trouble.