Daughter's hang-up, racy site concerning
DEAR AMY: My 19-year-old college daughter is prone to headaches and depression, so I always try and be careful about what I say to her so as not to add to her "problems." However, I have two issues that I have tried to address with her without success. First, she can't get over her "first love," who decided to leave her more than a year ago. She has a website where she continues to post her "undying love for him" and where she also posts partially nude pictures of other women/couples she sees on the Internet. Without putting down/criticizing the guy, I have told her repeatedly that she is young, beautiful and very smart, and she would soon meet someone who will value her for what a great person she really is. On the second issue, I am afraid her (hoped-for) master's degree and employment prospects may be adversely affected if school administrators/future employers see the site and deem her to be unsuitable. I also think any decent, respectable guy who might be interested in her may be turned off. Could you please help?
DEAR WORRIED: If your honesty consistently brings on a headache or depression for your daughter, then you are allowing her fragility to manipulate you. This isn't good for either of you. She needs to see a physician and a therapist, if she doesn't already. I agree with you that her behavior falls outside the norm and that her grief over the breakup with her former boyfriend should have abated by now.
If her website is creative, interesting, well done and not breaking any laws, then it might not have extreme negative consequences. If it's as you say, I agree it's both a turnoff and a cry for help.
Focus on getting your daughter professional help to get a handle on her depression and self-esteem. She may have to bear the natural consequences of her poor judgment to really understand the true ramifications of her behavior.