DEAR AMY: My ex-girlfriend and I did not communicate for five months. The relationship did not end well. We spoke recently and she informed me that she was sexually assaulted by her best guy friend. He is her drinking buddy. She said the friendship is over, but because he is well off and always pays for everything, I wouldn't be shocked if they were hanging out in a month. She is the definition of stubborn and will most likely stuff this painful experience down with all the others. What advice would you give to her? I care about her and would like to pass it along.
DEAR CARING: Your ex should go to the police so this guy can be charged with sexual assault. She should also be examined by a physician, get a pregnancy test and be tested for STDs. She should seek counseling.
Pushing down painful experiences doesn't work. Burying trauma can make her vulnerable and eventually numb her to the reality and consequences of her own choices. I assume she reached out to you because she trusts you to help her. I hope you will.
She should contact the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network to communicate with an online or phone counselor about this sexual assault. The website is rainn.org and hotline is 800-656-HOPE (4673).
DEAR AMY: "Unsure" wrote to you, saying she had a prospective dinner guest who was asking her to buy special food from an expensive organic food market. I agree with you that this was a rude request. I'm surprised that you didn't suggest the hostess tell the guest to bring whatever special food she requires to the dinner. I think that's better than responding, "We'll miss you."Avid Reader
DEAR AVID: Suggesting that this guest would be welcome to bring her own special food is a polite solution to a rude demand. Well done.