He's a good dad, but not a love interest

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY:Last year I met my boyfriend and became pregnant and had a baby. I was never completely satisfied with the relationship, but he was such a caring person that I've tried to see it through. He has intense religious views that I don't share. He's moved in with my mother and me, and we care for the baby. Anything physical is completely undesirable to me. He lacks any drive to make himself better, even for our daughter. He cares about us both deeply, but I just don't have the feelings I think I should have for him. I also never wanted to raise a baby, but with so much pressure from him and his family I felt there was no other way. I now love my baby girl with my whole heart but can't get past this distant feeling I have for him. I don't want to tell him I feel this way, but I also don't want to spend my life not being entirely happy because of a slip-up I had at age 20. Should I try to stick it out or should I tell him the truth?--Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: Your primary job is to be your baby's mother. This needs to come above your romantic dreams.

It sounds as if your boyfriend is a good person and involved dad. If he is available to be the primary caregiver in your mother's home for now, you could pursue your education, job training or whatever outside goals you have.

It is natural at your age to want to be "entirely happy." But for the first year or so of your daughter's life you may have to shelve happiness in favor of knowing that you are doing the best for your child.

If after six to nine more months you know you cannot make it with your boyfriend as a romantic partner, you will have to act like a responsible adult and be honest and kind as you both work out what will be best for your daughter.

Eventually, you may determine that your child could do best living with the child's father and his family, with you co-parenting as you can.