Her boyfriend is a magnet for flirts

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: I'm 27 and have been with my boyfriend "Mike" for three years. We intend to get married down the line. However, I'm discovering that Mike has a string of female admirers in all of his friend groups -- women from college, clubs, interest groups or even younger sisters of friends. He has no interest in these women and many times doesn't even realize they like him until I point out that flirtatious side-poking and requests to be given rides (alone) are not normal "friend" behaviors. He is very attractive, courteous and sweet -- almost to a fault. He gives these flirts 100 percent of his attention because he doesn't want to be rude. He also doesn't call them out on inappropriate behaviors like the poking or hugging. It's becoming really hard for me to hang out with his "friends" or even meet new ones for fear I will meet yet another admirer. I've talked to him about this, and he just reassures me he'd never cheat. I'm just sick of his not stopping this inappropriate behavior. Am I right?No More AdmirersDEAR NO MORE: Ideally, a partner in a loving relationship should direct most of his social poking and hugging toward his partner. Your guy seems willing to tolerate your discomfort rather than put up even a flimsy social wall and inspire the slightest change in the women around him.

He could very easily change the dynamic without being rude. "I would never cheat" isn't exactly the most trust-

inspiring statement from a loving partner.

You should experiment with adjusting your own orientation and focus on managing your own behavior. Boldly plunge into social interactions with confidence. Stay close to your guy and be assertively friendly (to everyone) and attentive (to everyone). You need not police him, but you do need to find out if you have the temperament and confidence to handle this behavior and if he has the maturity to redirect the flirtation toward you.