Must she drop trainer after mistaken fling?

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Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: Nine months ago, I ended an abusive relationship. For the past six months I have been in a happy relationship. In the destructive relationship, I ended up cheating on my boyfriend. This was a horrible mistake but also a way for me to finally find a way out of the relationship. The person I cheated with is my personal trainer, who was (and still is) dating someone else. I have no feelings for him, but I continue training with him, even though he sometimes makes comments (which I don't appreciate) that allude to our past mistake. If my current boyfriend knew my past with my trainer, he'd be upset. However, it seems silly to get a new trainer. This trainer has helped me lose so much weight. Should I get rid of him because of a stupid mistake? I want to do what is best for my relationship.


DEAR UNSURE: If you want to honor your current relationship to the extent that you grant yourself -- and him -- a fresh start, then yes, you should change trainers.

However, the most important reason to change trainers is that this one sounds like he is indiscreet and inappropriate, at least some of the time.

Your fitness success should not be contingent on you working with this individual; the person responsible for your fitness is you.

Also, get tested for STDs (the trainer should too).

DEAR AMY: I disagree with your response to "Missing a Link." This woman decided to contact her biological father, who had no interest in having a relationship with her. She now wanted to contact her half-siblings. You should have told her to leave well enough alone. It is selfish to interfere in other people's lives just to satisfy your own needs and ego.--Having My Say

DEAR HAVING: The writer was determined to try to make connections, regardless of the impact on others. I suggested she tread lightly.