DEAR AMY: I have been engaged for almost a year. My fiancé works out of town and we travel back and forth to visit each other. On my most recent visit I found strange stuff in the house. All of my clothes were hidden in the house and the clothes on hangers were badly creased and looked like they had been stashed somewhere and then moved back into the closet. The bed pillows were strongly scented of perfumed hair oil and I discovered strands from a woman's hair weave (definitely not mine) when I was sweeping the house. When I confronted him about everything I had found, he denied that anything was going on, but I don't have closure about it. I feel like I have been betrayed and lied to. I have been thinking of inviting him to take a lie-
detector test so I can have closure on this matter. Please let me know what you think I should do.--Fearful
DEAR FEARFUL: You imply that there is some uncertainty here that you think a polygraph could clear up (it wouldn't).
You don't need a polygraph (or a team of forensic experts) to establish that your guy has been entertaining someone other than you at home.
You've found abundant physical evidence. In your pumped-up version of "The Three Bears," Goldilocks has been sleeping in your bed, leaving at least some of her locks behind.
Your guy will deny this like his life depends on it. You could waggle a hair weave in front of his face and he would somehow convince you it belongs to you.
You need to figure out what comes next.
I suggest you take a break from this relationship while he figures out how to establish his innocence, innocent intentions, and/or provide guarantees about his future behavior, without the use and expense of a lie detector. At the very least, let the polygraph be his (not your) idea. Then he can worry about closure while you are living your life.