Real estate with this bum? No, get real! - Newsday

Real estate with this bum? No, get real!

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend of 12 years and I are supposed to move into a house together at the end of this month, but there are problems. Until now, we've lived separately. He has a house a half-hour away from mine. Both of us have grown children. While my children have known him for almost all of the 12 years, his children do not even know I exist. This is an ongoing issue between us. Two weeks ago, he took his oldest daughter (who is 27 and married) to see the house we're buying. He told her to pick out any bedroom she wanted. He didn't tell her about me. I was very upset and said that he should tell his kids about me immediately. He got mad at me and hasn't spoken to me for 10 days. He doesn't take my calls and he doesn't call me. I know from past experience that he is waiting for me to apologize for questioning him. I'm worn down by all of this and very depressed. I've invested a lot of money putting my house on the market, I've accepted an offer and the closing is scheduled. Am I making a huge mistake or can this relationship somehow work? Please help me.


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DEAR FRETTING: Because you have made the shocking choice to accept an offer on your house and invest in another under such dicey circumstances, I'm going to leave my sometimes cozy perch, grab my megaphone and tell you, no, no, no, no! This relationship will never work. Every single thing about it is so off-kilter that I can only imagine you checked your brain, along with your self-esteem, somewhere along the way.

Take this crisis as a wake-up call that will change the course of your future in a very positive way. Do whatever is necessary to extricate yourself from this house deal. Do not communicate with this man again. Put as much distance as possible between you. His refusal to acknowledge you to others effectively negates your very existence. Reconnect with who you are and start your life anew.

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