Red flags have her rethinking engagement

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Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: I reconnected with a friend from high school after 40 years. We started a romantic, virtual courtship over several months. We live in different states. We became engaged in 2012, but I have some major concerns. Apart from the long-distance relationship and my serious issues with relocating, he recently told me he has run out of money and hasn't paid taxes in more than a year. He recently bought a beautiful home for us that needs major renovations. He made a large down payment on this house and is remodeling it himself. He is 60 and has no savings. He is a self-employed attorney. He recently visited and confessed that he now has a condition that is causing severe joint and muscle pain. He has lost all interest in sex, so our relationship has become purely platonic. I am a vital 59-year-old attractive woman who enjoys sex immensely. When I asked him what's going on in the bedroom, he said he doesn't feel like being sexual. I am a successful consultant who owns my business and my own home. I have always had healthy sexual relationships. I am leaning toward breaking off the engagement. I had been excited about our future. Now all I see is a relationship that could have serious implications. Is it unrealistic to expect my partner to be financially stable and want to have sex with me?

--Long-Distance Dilemma

DEAR DILEMMA: You sound very self-actualized, so it is strange that you would override good sense and become engaged to someone in another state. You also sound somewhat surprised to be in a relationship that has "serious implications." Every relationship has serious implications. Marriage is the ultimate serious implication, and ideally in a marriage spouses accept the "for better and for worse" aspect of the relationship.

You have every right to want what you want, and now that you know what a challenge this man presents to you, you should break off the engagement.