She says daughter's loves affecting kids

Ask Amy

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

bio | email

DEAR AMY: My daughter, who has three children (ages 5, 7 and 9) and who has been in three or four serious relationships since her marriage ended, now has a new boyfriend. He's very nice, but she lets him sleep over when her children are there. They talk about how mommy has her boyfriend sleep over, and I'm afraid they will be hurt by this. Her other boyfriends slept over, too, but I think the children are old enough now to know what's what and that they could be hurt by this. She doesn't listen to anything I have to say and thinks they're too young to understand or be hurt by this. The kids spend a lot of time with the boyfriend and talk about how they "love" him. What should I do to make sure my grandchildren don't get hurt or messed up by their mother's actions?Sad GranDEAR GRAN: Let's assume for the sake of argument that your daughter always chooses to be with men who are wonderful and trustworthy and pose no threat to her or the kids.

Unfortunately, the more men who pass through the household, the more likely it is that one or more of them might not be appropriate as part of the family.

She should be extremely careful and private with her romantic relationships until she has a relationship with someone that will be long term.

However, it is possible that for these kids, their mother has done this often enough that this is more or less normal for them.

They will grow quickly attached to whoever is there, and if the guy is good to her and to them, it will work out until he is gone.

Your daughter will not listen to you (or to me) about this, and so put the children first. Spend as much time with these kids as you can. Don't ever criticize their mother or put these children on the spot. Be a positive, calm, loving and stable presence in their lives.