Stop pressuring gay son to change

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual. I fear that if people in our church group find out, they will make fun of me. He won't listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years -- I have a busy work schedule. Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. Feeling Betrayed

DEAR BETRAYED: Teach your son an important lesson by changing your own sexuality to show him how easy it is. Try it for the next year or so: Stop being a heterosexual to demonstrate to your son that a person's sexuality is a matter of choice -- to be dictated by one's parents, the parents' church and social pressure.

I assume that my suggestion will evoke a reaction that your sexuality is at the core of who you are. The same is true for your son. He has a right to be accepted by his parents for being exactly who he is.

When you "forget" a child's birthday, you are basically negating him as a person. It is as if you are saying that you have forgotten his presence in the world. How very sad for him.

Pressuring your son to change his sexuality is wrong. If you cannot learn to accept him as he is, it might be safest for him to live elsewhere.

A group that could help you and your family figure out how to navigate this is Pflag.org. This organization has helped countless families through this challenge.

DEAR AMY: Your advice to "Crushed" could have been off.

When my brother was getting married, I thought his fiancee's brother was cute. When I approached my brother about him, he told me "he's not your type, plus that would be awkward if you broke his heart." Interestingly, his fiancee told her brother the same thing about me. Fortunately, our mothers intervened and fixed us up. We've been married 40 years.Very Crushed