Trouble with 20-somethings in your nest?
DEAR AMY: Do you know of any support groups for parents whose children have returned to the nest? Our two 20-pluses have finished college and are parked in our house while they look for work and figure out their next steps. One of them is particularly difficult to live with, and we don't have the heart to just throw him out. In today's economy, I know that there are thousands of families in the same situation. My wife and I could really use the emotional support and resources that a group might provide. Do you know where we could find such a group?
--Tearing Our Hair Out
DEAR TEARING: The only place I can think of where you can meet other parents like you is called: Every Place.
As the parent of four (count 'em!) young adult in-betweens, I host nightly support meetings around our kitchen table.
In my kids' case, plans for the future are forming. They are working, but they are learning that two part-time jobs don't equal one full-time job.
Families with young adults at home have a lot on their plates, and not just dinner.
You and your wife should convey some basic non-negotiables.
The primary one should be that your offspring behave decently while working and/or are actively looking for work.
You should also negotiate a reasonable deadline for them to move out.
If you can't make it to my house, check out
familiesanonymous.org for support and perspective.
DEAR AMY: I appreciated your advice to "Concerned Mom" about "fighting fair" when there are children. But I'd like to tell you that it is not always necessary to leave the room. Kids need to see their parents arguing successfully and respectfully. Then they'll learn how to do it.
--Voice of Experience
DEAR EXPERIENCE: I loudly agree. Thank you.