Fashion stars -- and victims

BY DENISE FLAIM | NEWSDAY STAFF WRITER

The only thing worse than a red carpet littered with fashion disasters is one undulating with couture ho-hums. At last night's Grammy fest, where the carpet was actually green, even the train wrecks were little more than fender-benders -- not worth exchanging an insurance card over.

Honorable mentions in this exercise in mediocrity were Fiona Apple's crumbled Kleenex of a gown to Kanye West's inexplicable black gloves and open red shirt that plunged down to his cummerbund.

It seemed the dresses themselves were world-weary, from the algae-dipped hem of gravid Gwen Stefani's faux-leopard maternity gown to the skirt of Kelly Clarkson's inky strapless ballgown, which begged the question: How many black poodles gave their lives so that it might live?

Much as we tried to like actress Teri Hatcher's naughty indigo gown -- "Little House on the Prairie" by way of Frederick's of Hollywood -- the occasional flash of hot pants just proved too distracting.

Saving graces were a few displays of classic styling -- Beyoncé's taupe-to-me-baby sheath, India.Arie's ivory number that flowed as beautifully as her voice and Alicia Keyes' black Armani, though -- quibbles abound -- the bodice could have been more flattering.