Helio Castroneves wins 'Dancing With the Stars'

Alas, Marie. No cigar.

The most improbable romp in "Dancing With the Stars" short history came to an abrupt end Tuesday night, when Marie Osmond stumbled for the last time. She lost in the opening minutes of the show's profoundly bloated season finale.



But the winner of the fifth season edition didn't stumble: Helio Castroneves, Indianapolis 500 champ and neophyte dancer just 10 weeks ago pulled this one out.

Unexpected? Depends on whom you talk to. Melanie Brown of the Spice Girls, was in fact one of the best dancers all fall, but that's not always an insurance policy on this show. (See: Sabrina Bryan.) Brown -- aka Mel B. -- scored a perfect ten on her last dance Tuesday night, but so did Castroneves. The judges thought they were co-equals; viewer-voters obviously did not.

But what made this season so, ummm, memorable was Osmond and her unexpected -- very unexpected -- staying power. In season's midst, she endured one huge loss (her father, George's death), but kept dancing. She fainted at another point, and kept dancing. And her season-ending freestyle "rag doll" routine on Monday night was indescrible -- a pastiche of chutzpah and bad taste.

But she was also one of the more entertaining of the "stars," playing to the crowd, arguing with judges, and somehow endearing herself to millions of voters.

"You know, I'm so pleased to be here at my age," she said. (She turned 48 during the run.)

Meanwhile, Tuesday night was all full of cheese, baubles, fog machines, glitter, mirror balls, and noise and hype. "DWTS" is usually over-the-top spectacle, and its immense appeal can be something of a mystery. (Around the world, too -- the show plays in 23 countries.)

Maybe the appeal is the dancing -- and certainly the dazzling grace of both Castroneves and Brown. Or maybe it was just Marie the whole time.