The snarky title encapsulates the high and low points of "You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up." This so-called "new comedy about love and marriage" teeters between the high and low roads of to-MAH-to and to-MAY-to. The only thing "new" here is that the girlfriend/wife is the commitment-phobe.

When real-life co-authors Annabelle Gurwitch and Jeff Kahn -- played at Queens Theatre by Gabrielle Mirabella and Jonathan Van Dyke -- aren't dropping intellectuals' names (Kierkegaard and Albee), they're trading smutty banter. Clever lines accrue -- we liked Annabelle's biological-clock metaphor: "You can't Botox your uterus" -- but few reveal emotional authenticity.

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The excuse for this relationship playback is a 10th-anniversary dinner that never gets to the main course. Try as they might, the couple -- as directed by Patrick Walsh -- can't make us care about this marriage.

WHAT "You Say Tomato, I Say Shut Up"

WHEN | WHERE 7:30 p.m. Friday, 2 and 8 p.m. Saturday, 3 p.m. Sunday, Queens Theatre, Flushing Meadows Corona Park

TICKETS $25-$49;, 718-760-0064