Conan's monologue, that is...on the night before the morning when NBC announces (maybe) that his crown has been greedily snatched off his head, and passed - sullied, as it were - back to Richard II (calling Will Shakespeare...GET ME REWRITE!)

  Sorry.

  Getting late. And I'm getting loopy.

  Hey, did I tell you NBC is really truly going to announce (maybe) that Jay will be the  new host of the old "Tonight Show" this morning?  And that Co's last "Tonight" will be this Friday night? 

  I did. OK, sorry, now I'm repeating myself.

  Co's monologue...


Hi, I’m Conan O’Brien and I need all of you to write me a letter of recommendation.

A lot of papers are reporting that I am now legally prohibited from saying anything negative about NBC. 

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So good night ladies and gentlemen, it's been a great show.

No, this is true—it’s been widely reported that I can’t say anything negative about the network.

Luckily, they’re not saying I can’t sing anything negative about the network.

NBC has a new slogan and the slogan is “More colorful.” They may be telling the truth because they are about to get rid of the whitest guy on television.

Of course, this has been a stunning couple of days for me. It’s a bit hard to accept that soon I won’t have a show, but Snooki and The Situation will.

Last night at the Golden Globes Julia Roberts said that NBC was in the toilet. NBC was upset and toilets were furious.

The U.S. government has digitally updated their file photo of Osama bin Laden - and they’ve given him

thinner hair and a grayer beard. And also - just for the fun of it - they also gave him a tramp stamp.

Extreme fans of “Avatar” have started naming their newborn children after the Na’vi characters from the movie. I think that’s ridiculous, and so do my children “C-3PO” and “Chewbacca.”

Yesterday, the founder of Taco Bell passed away at the age of 86. Still no word on whether he’s going to have a funeral - or a funeral supreme.

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