Acknowledging repeatedly that she is addicted to alcohol but committed to recovery, Lindsay Lohan answered Oprah Winfrey's pointed questions in her first interview since leaving what she hoped would be her last stint in rehab.
In an interview taped four days after she left Cliffside Malibu on July 30, and airing Sunday on Winfrey's OWN series "Oprah's Next Chapter," Lohan said alcohol "was the gateway to other things for me, including cocaine," which she maintained she did not enjoy. "I really haven't done it more than 10 or 15 times," she said. When Winfrey asked why Lohan had said only "three or four" times when asked recently, the actress conceded, "I was terrified of being judged."
Saying she was addicted as well to chaos, Lohan, 27, told Winfrey that during the early years of her legal troubles that began with a 2007 DUI arrest, "I strangely -- being in my addiction and everything and having all the chaos around me that I was so comfortable with -- somewhere inside knew and kind of wanted to go to jail... just to find some peace."
She said her five previous attempts at rehab before her most recent one had not worked because "I don't think in the past I ever really fully surrendered to the fact I needed to shut up and listen."
When asked whether she felt exploited by her divorced parents, she strongly said no. "Nobody's perfect. I love my parents and... certain situations I would have preferred to have been handled differently... I hate what a bad rap people give my parents, because they're just parents, really... trying to stand up for their daughter and themselves."
She wants now, she says, "to get the thing that has made me the happiest in my whole life back, which is just [to] work really hard and stay focused and prove myself in the way that I did before... and that I lost."