Pet Rock: The Pop Culture Blog

Earlier this fall I blogged about the lack of villains on the new "90210" and how this would ultimately be the show's demise ... that is, unless someone stepped up and took control.

This got me thinking about TV villains in general. Since my favorite TV genre is teen dramas, here are my Top 5 in that category. But first, big ups to siblings MADouble and Ms. Clairice for their insights -- maybe we have a love of this type of show hardwired into our DNA?

On to the list...

5) Best up-and-coming villain: Adrianna Duncan, "90210"

In the first couple episodes of "90210," Adrianna played a bit part. She's the pill-popping drama chick and not much else. But then Annie took her lead role in "Spring Awakening" and game on -- she went to Ty's hotel room, turned on the shower and stripped down to just a towel. Annie came knocking, looking for her man, and there Adrianna was, all big-eyed surprise, wondering if Ty had invited her, too. After splitting up the couple she tried to start a catfight at some fashion party ... kinda lame for now, but one can only hope she'll become more evil with time.

4) Best reality TV villain: Spencer Pratt, "The Hills"

Spencer, pictured here with his lady love, Heidi, is not only evil in his actions, he also looks like a super creep. There's something about his darting eyes and strange, flesh-colored beard that is all wrong. He split Heidi up from basically all of her friends, threatens to never speak to his own sister ever again, started a sex-tape rumor about Lauren, insults Heidi's family ... there's nothing good to say about him and he basically has no friends. Oh, except for Heidi.

3) Best villainous pair: Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass, "Gossip Girl"

They're no longer a couple on the show, but they seem destined to be together. Blair has tried to sabotage everyone that has ever threatened her queen-bee status, from little Jenny Humphrey to her own BFF, Serena. She's conniving and manipulative and almost every action she takes is sinister. Now take that and multiply it by 100 and you have Chuck. Both of them show weaknesses, but not for long.

2) Best villainous cougar: Julie Cooper, "The O.C."

Straight from MADouble: "The quintessential money grubbing mom. Went from sleeping with her husband to sleeping with a grandpa to sleeping with her daughter's ex-boyfriend. Manipulative, vindictive, and yet somehow still was capable of being "good" on occasion. That is key, because every time she did something good, there was always some ulterior motive that would come out two episodes later and cement her place as the show's top villain." Well stated.

1) Best all-around villain: Valerie Malone, "Beverly Hills, 90210"

To quote Ms. Clairice: " I feel like I don't really need to explain this one." But I will, again, by quoting MADouble: "The ultimate schemer. Made a great debut on "90210" by acting like a small town rube and ending the episode smoking a joint and telling a friend that the Beverly gang was a bunch of avocado heads. Really did not have any trick that was too nefarious to pull. Fake a pregnancy and abortion, check. Fake her friend robbing people so she could catch her and be a hero, check. Sleep with everyone and their brother, check." That about sums it up.

There are, of course, a couple of others that didn't make the cut, but were close, like Meghan from "Felicity" and Arvin Sloane from "Alias," but really, these felt a bit out of genre and weren't that bad when you get right down to it.

Who'd I miss? Maybe my memory serves me incorrectly, but I can't think of any real villains from "Dawson's Creek," "My So Called Life" or "Party of Five," also excellent teen dramas. And I've never really watched "One Tree Hill" or "Gilmore Girls" -- any on those shows?

Getty Images Photos and AP Photos

Let me preface: I use the word song very loosely in the title. This is not good. Actually winced many times when listening. Hear for yourself... then share your thoughts.

Just in case you've been hiding under a rock this summer, "The Hills" returns to MTV this Monday (Aug. 18) at 10 p.m.

We hope you already have your TiVos and DVRs set to record the entire series, but if not Pet Rock happily serves a last-minute reminder to perform such an act.

You know you love the show, so don't front.

And lookee here, LC's neighbors are whining about all the attention and drama the neighborhood is getting these days. Not for nothing, but if you're living within a few streets of LC, you likely have buckets of cash lying around, be it in your house or in your bank account, so shut up.

Pet Rock's favorite girl, Lauren Conrad, returns to television on Aug. 18 for the season 4 premiere of "The Hills."

We know you're just as excited about it as we are. No need to hide it, we're all encompassing here at Pet Rock.

So in order to get you geared up for the 10 p.m. premiere Monday night, we whipped up a little crossword puzzle for you. Simply click on the word space and the clue will pop up. You should be able to ace it without having to click the solve button, aka "cheat." And when you're down with the puzzle, scroll down for more pix of the girl with best smile in television history.

• More Lauren Conrad photos
• Watch the Season 4 trailer

Season 4 starts Aug. 18 at 10 p.m. on MTV. We know you are as excited as we are. Don't even try to front like you're not.

Not since the Mickey Mouse Club (Britney, Justin, Christina) has one show contributed so much to pop culture. Of course there are the obvious contributions: Audrina, Lauren, Whitney, Speidi, the upcoming spin-off “Bromance,” Audrina (yes, I know I already said that) and a chance to watch the exploits of potentially the dumbest girl to ever grace the screen, Lo. (New season starts Aug. 18)

Seriously, just watch. She is always so confused.

Aside from all of that, “The Hills” continuously sports one of the best soundtracks of any show on TV. The latest success story from that exposure should be Carolina Liar.

I first noticed the band after their song "Show Me What I’m Looking For" was on an episode last season. Later I heard "I’m Not Over" on Sirius, thanks Demos, and I was blown away.

The band features singer Buck Wolf, who grew up in Carolina, traveled to L.A. to make it in music but later found himself in Europe working with Max Martin. Martin was a mildly successful glam-rocker in Europe and later went one to write a little song call “Baby One More Time.” He has also worked with the Beastie Boys and Kelly Clarkson.

Don’t let that confuse you. Carolina Liar, powered by the vulnerable Wolf, is more Killers meets Augustana. The album "Coming to Terms" has many radio friendly jams including all the songs from "The Hills."

It is the first entire album I’ve purchased on iTuunes in the past three years. Totally worth it.

Check out their latest video here:

Sneak peek time! Whet your appetite with a little video preview of L.C., Audrina and the next season of "The Hills" which premieres Aug. 18, compliments of E!

It was a fairly week season 3 finale of "The Hills" on MTV last night. Although, the house in the Beverly Hills that MTV used for the show afterparty looked fairly insane on television.

After a double viewing of the finale, Pet Rock is left with one question (OK, maybe more than one, but they're all about one topic). Does Heidi Montag not watch her own show? Doesn't she know that punting away a great career move for a questionable dude comes with bad "Hills" karma?

Of course, this all happened a few months ago and we only see 25 minutes of their lives each week, so who knows what really went on. But, in terms of the show, throwing away a shot at developing the next Vegas hot spot won't look good as a bulletpoint on the resume.

Oh, well, guess that why there's going to be a Season 4. It debuts Aug. 18.

- La Monica

According to several reports running around online, Puck, oops, I mean Spencer Pratt, and Y2K Tori Spelling, oops, I mean, Heidi Montag, taped a spot for this Tuesday's "The Tyra Banks Show" (April 30) in which they confirmed their earlier rumor-spreading that Lauren Conrad's ex-fella Jason was shopping their sex tape.

“I would never watch that,” Pratt told host Tyra Banks, who asked Pratt if he had actually seen the tape, according to BuddyTV.com. “I would rather throw up … but I know for a fact, and I would take a lie detector test.”

True or not, who really cares anymore? How/why does Spencer get airtime and normal people don't? What kind of lack of talent do we need to get some shine?

Lauren Conrad photos

Heidi Montag photos

No, this isn't a joke. Heidi Montag turns freestyle rapper on MTV's TRL. This either marks the end of the world or the beginning of a new era in life. We're not really sure.

The over-under on ribs cracked from laughing/puking at this is 2.5. I took the over . . . and my insurance carrier is furious about that.

Oh, but wait, there's more. Turns out Lil' Miss Montag is now a fashion designer. Peep the photos below from her "Heidiwood" show last Friday night in L.A.

Thoughts as they fly into my mind and onto the Internet while I watch the season premiere of "The Hills."

* French accents sound so fake, don't they? (except for the girl in "Better Off Dead.")

* Here's the advice Heidi's mom, Darlene, needs to tell her daughter: "Look, Heidi, I watch your little TV show. Spencer is a (insert preferred curse word here)-bag. Dump him and dump him fast."

* Spencer flies to Colorado, the land of snow, and brings gel as his only headgear. Smart move.

* Heidi's dad, Tim, rules! Here's his quote when Spencer rolls into their driveway: "What the heck? What are you doing here?" Awesome!

* Throw him out, Heidi! Throw him out!

* Whitney gets better looking by the episode. I'm just saying.

* I'm liking the in-show soundtrack info. Nice new feature this season.

* Making fun of people in other languages is never a bad thing. Nice work, LC.

* Oh, there's no way this ball gown altering is going to pan out.

* Go Heidi go! She's turning into Heather Locklear on "Melrose Place." Please keep this going, Heidi. Seriously. I promise to watch your music video til the end again.

* That's one grumpy French musician.

* CORRECTION: That's one creepy stalker French musician.

* Wearing the ball gown dress the night before the ball and it gets messed up? Gee, no one saw that coming. Not sure it gets more obvious than that. This didn't do much to help support the notion that this show isn't scripted. I bet a show producer snuck into the room and put that curling iron on the dress.

* Nice cycle, Frenchy. Did you take that from Sweetchuck's garage from the "Police Academy" series?

- Mark La Monica

Ain't no drama like boy-girl drama on "The Hills" because boy-girl drama on "The Hills" don't stop.

You know you're fired up for the new season, so don't even front like you haven't already set your DVRs and TiVos to record all the new episodes, beginning March 24 at 10 p.m. on MTV.

Below is a sample clip of the latest (at least in terms of episodes shown on TV) LC-Brody drama.

We're never afraid to admit our love for "The Hills" here in Pet Rock. Great show, great drama, hot ladies, schmucky guys. It's the new recipe for success on television.

And while we spoke of Lauren Conrad last week for making clothes, this week's news bit is about someone else taking off their clothes.

Topless photos have surfaced online of Audrina Patridge, who stars as Audrina Patridge on MTV's highest-rated show ever, just in time for the March 24 premiere of its new season.

We can't in good conscience -- translation: I wan't to keep my job -- post the photos here or link directly to them. However, we can suggest typing her name into the search box onGoogle news. Pet Rock knows at least one person who will thoroughly appreciate the search results.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the next season of "The Hills" (not this one coming up next week.) Will MTV whack her from the show? We hope not.

At least Audrina manned up about it, saying in a statement:

"I took these photos years ago, when I was just out of high school and beginning to model. I was young and very trusting of others, and I didn't know to protect myself. It is a lesson learned, for myself, and hopefully for the young girls who look up to me."

Why do people apologize for doing things? Why are they looked at negatively for these types of things? Pet Rock fully supports free will and people's right to do whatever they want. In today's society, people can do and say what they want, then apologize for it and everything is all good. Why apologize? Say and do what you want. Live your life.

We're huuuuuuuge fans of Lauren Conrad here at Pet Rock and we're not ashamed to admit it.

Nor are we alone in our support of LC, what with "The Hills" being the highest rated show ever on MTV. By the way, "The Hills" returns to MTV on March 24.

In the meantime, LC made her Fashion Week debut at Smashbox Studios in Los Angeles on Tuesday. Seeing how we know you love Miss Conrad as much as we do, we put together a little photo gallery for you to enjoy. Click the pic above and have some fun. (Sorry, no Heidi-Spencer pix.)

- Mark La Monica

Heidi Montag, the girl-turned-villain on MTV's "The Hills," has done the unthinkable and released a music video for her -- open finger quotes here -- new song -- close finger quotes here -- called "Higher."

The video features her in a bikini prancing around the beach. Not exactly the worst thing in the world, until you come to the realization that she's the Y2K equivalent of Tori Spelling. And yes, Donna Martin does graduate! Plus, after Madonna tantalized us with "Cherish" and Helena Christensen taught many a male about puberty with her sultry role in Chris Isaak's "Wicked Games" video, no music label should allow any artist to be on a beach in their videos. The comparisons are inevitable, and they'll always fall short.

Montag's video below lasts three minutes and 34 seconds. The contest here is to see how long you can last before hitting the stop button and then posting your time in the comments section. I made it through to the end, but only because it's my job.

- Mark La Monica

By Mark La Monica

It's true. I watch "The Hills." I'm not ashamed to admit it. I don't, however, go online to watch the aftershow. That just seems a bit over the top.

But I got suckered into watching it last night when MTV put the show on television. Even with the live interview with Lauren Conrad and her greatest smile in television history, I'm ashamed I won't get back those 30 minutes of life. (That puts my career running total at 234 days I wish I could have back.)

But at least I'm not alone in the enjoyment received from watching "The Hills." It's the top-rated show on MTV, so I guess I'm doing something right.

But this full disclosure right here will cost me plenty of street cred: I was in 7-Eleven one day, happened to see Teen Vogue and looked in the masthead for LC and Whitney's name. No such luck. I put the magazine down and prayed the security camera ran out of tape.

Alas, such is life. Click on the Lauren Conrad photo above for some photos from last night's season finale.

By Mark La Monica

With this season of "The Hills" winding down -- don't even front, you know you watch it, too -- it's time for some random thoughts about the show.

* Oh great, just what we needed, another Pratt on television acting hard.

* Seriously, I haven't seen that bad an acting job since Ben Affleck did that bathroom mirror scene in "Gigli." Nice work, whatever your name was, Spencer's sister. (It's not worth the Google, but L.C. nailed it with her caddy "She-Pratt" quip.)

* Anyone else notice the blatant show of guilt by part-mute, part-syllablic grunter Justin-Bobby at the end of the show? He put the hair in a ponytail and actually spoke. Prior to this episode, all we saw of him was long hair and mono-syllablic grunts.

Disclaimer time: We fully realize that the opinions we form about these people on "The Hills" are based solely on what we see on television. We fully realize that show producers and editors have a story to tell and that story is never the full story. Now back to the show.

* Where do these producers find these clowns, er, guys, to be on this show? I refuse to believe the girls are capable of continually finding these rampaging non-winners on their own. These brohams are an impressive collection of, well, we'll let you insert your preferred derogatory noun. Then again, maybe it's just an L.A. thing.

* We renew our opinions from last season: No way Heidi goes through with the wedding. If you come across any recent appearances by them, the guess here is that's just to not ruin the season finale.

* Slowly starting to gain some appreciation for Brody. Not really sure what he does in life, but he seems to stay above the fray.

* Lauren Conrad still has the greatest smile in television history.

* In recent episodes, they moved Whitney out of the office on assignments. Good to see her career develop, but I miss Whitney in her role of "Taxicab Confessions" driver. She basically would sit at her desk and just poke and prod L.C. with questions until she spilled. Great work if you can get it.

* OK, this episode trivia quiz is scary, disturbing, interesting, amusing, scary, disturbing, interesting and amusing.