'Partners' review: Terrible comedy

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"Partners" starring Michael Urie, Brandon Routh, David Krumholtz and Sophia Bush premieres Monday, Sept. 24, 2012 on CBS. Photo Credit: Smallz + Raskind

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WHEN | WHERE Monday night at 8:30 on CBS/2

REASON TO WATCH Scripted entirely in the "funny" foreign language of Sitcomlandia.

WHAT IT'S ABOUT "Numb3rs" brother David Krumholtz is the straight BFF. "Ugly Betty" prancer Michael Urie is his lifelong gay pal. They're also architect partners. (Little wonder the studio audience laughs.)

See them in flashbacks as fifth-graders. See them currently talkinglikethis. See them with their sassy Hispanic office manager and her two enormous, um, "girls." See the guys' respective relationships with their Significant Others -- cute jewelry designer fiancee Sophia Bush, and cute male nurse Brandon Routh. ("Superman" returns!)

Do these boys meddle in each other's (sex) lives? Ex-cuuuuse me, girl-frrrriend! Is Bette Midler a gay reference? (Obviously.) Is Kelly Ripa's belly button? (Who knew?)

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MY SAY I'm dumbstruck. Just dumbstruck. Watched the pilot. Watched the second episode, too. Gets worse. The plastic "punch lines" grow more contrived. The tired stereotypes feel more offensive. Someone says, "I am not having sex with a chicken." Another refers to body parts as "Mary Kate and Ashley," and you can only wish those were "the girls," but instead they -- ooh, ick -- belong to a guy.

The gay/straight pals behind this polyester project previously created "Will & Grace," but wanted to write this time about their own enduring friendship. Life in Sitcomlandia really doesn't translate.

BOTTOM LINE Girlfriend, boyfriend, enemy mine -- don't go there.



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