REASON TO WATCH: It's Roseanne Barr. Anything can happen.
WHEN/WHERE: Wednesday night at 9 and 9:30 on Lifetime
The premiere episode is titled "War of the Pigs." (Cue those jokes.) It's Roseanne, and her eight-year squeeze, Johnny, and her grown son, Jake, and some gawking locals, trying to thwart the feral hogs ruining Roseanne's nut crop.
"I resent that it's a pig, and yet it's smarter than me," Roseanne blurts. "If I can't outsmart a pig, I should just hang it up."
Or maybe just go back to Hollywood and hire a smart producer. (Like Lorre?) "Roseanne's Nuts" isn't awful. It just is. There's "nut" much happening. Roseanne chases pigs. Roseanne cooks dinner. Roseanne watches the sun set. (Which is weird, considering she lives on the island's east side.)
The show sometimes jolts to life when it acts as subversive as her sitcom. When she glories that Hawaii isn't like L.A., Jake laughs and says, "You got eight camera guys here" -- and a wide shot shows the whole show-biz setup.
But Roseanne's sitcom had something salient to say about working-class life, jobs and parenthood. "Roseanne's Nuts" doesn't even illustrate its own title. Whichever way you take it.
BOTTOM LINE Roseanne's dull.