In what was almost certainly a foregone conclusion -- given the nature of long-term contracts and TV's unwillingness to cancel hits -- MTV Monday handed its top-rated unscripted series another cycle of shows.
But let the network's fevered news release do the talking:
"MTV gets ready for fist pumps and baby bumps, with the announcement of a sixth season of 'Jersey Shore.' Production is set to begin summer 2012 in Seaside Heights, N.J. America's favorite housemates will all return to their home away from home, and the house dynamic is headed into uncharted territory . . . as their lives outside the 'Shore' take off in exciting new directions. While things will definitely be a little different this time when they hit the boardwalk, their trademark hilarity and family dysfunction will remain the same."
Now, to deconstruct:
'BABY BUMPS.' Obviously confirming that Snooki and unborn child will be in this edition.
'SUMMER OF 2012.' As with seasons two and four, season six will indeed have a summer production cycle, and so much for speculation Snooki would walk away because of her pregnancy.
'WHILE THINGS WILL DEFINITELY BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS TIME.' This may mean Snooki will not be pounding her favorite drink, Scooby Snacks (coconut rum, creme de banana, melon liqueur, pineapple juice and whipped cream) or getting arrested.
'TRADEMARK HILARITY.' Means everyone else will be drinking.
'WILL REMAIN THE SAME.'Means we've seen all of this before, like five times before, so don't be too surprised.