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What's wrong with "Dancing with the Stars?"
Photo credit: ABC Photo
Well, what is wrong?
1.) Casting. Yes, the cast. The single biggest problem, the greatest disappointment with the ninth season. If "stars" in American pop cultural life are ranked on a scale of one to ten, with Brad Pitt/Matt Damon at a ten, and Barry Williams at a one, this group is somewhere in the 3-4 range. They all, to a man and woman, lack genuine luster or fame. This is no aspersion on talent - Michael Irwin was one of the greatest players in the NFL of the last two decades - or character or personality or dance moves or all-round swellness but only a hard cold comment on that hardest and coldest biz of them all - showbiz.
Now, you may say, this cast is not so different from past seasons. In which case you'd be so wrong as to be embarrassingly wrong. Every past season had someone - someone, usually several - who if not an A-lister was once an A-lister (Lance Bass) or household name (Susan Lucci) or incredibly well-known TV star (Jane Seymour) or major figure from the biz world (Mark Cuban) or people you just knew because you just knew them (Vivica Fox) or people you just knew because you couldn't help knowing them (Jerry Springer.)
This season only one - ONE! - qualifies in the household name status, barely, and that's Donny Osmond, and maybe maybe maybe Melissa Joan Hart. That's three maybes - not good. Aaron Carter?! If only it were Nick, or former girlfriend, LiLo. Kelly Osbourne? If only Ozzy. What's going on? Fine question. Glad you asked. The casting director has a hard hard job on this show. First, you select people who aren't gonna have a heart attack the first week; then people who are gonna appeal to different demographic groups; then people who have personality; and finally people who actually want to do this.The last part is the toughest, and I suspect it's gotten tougher over the last few seasons. Consider: If you're a well-known acting star, then you're probably working right about now, in a series or movie. A recording star is on tour or in the studio. This is a show for people in between gigs, and I'd argue that - even for them - "DWTS" does next to nothing for their resumes. Clearly, "DWTS" wants major stars - Stevie Wonder was asked a couple seasons ago - and clearly most could care less. The work's too grueling; then there's the tour; the pay stinks, comparatively; and even if you win, no one remembers a week later. 2.) Tom DeLay. A huge mistake. He embarrassed both himself and the show. Plus, divisive figures are a difficult sell on an entertainment program.
3.) Zero comedy element. "DWTS" has shrewdly folded in comic relief over the years - Penn Jillette or Jeffrey Ross or Cloris Leachman. Nada this season. As a result, the show is humorless, and you need humor to put all this silliness in perspective.
4.) The pros are bigger than the stars. This is a subset of No. 1, but Derek Hough or Mark Ballas or Cheryl Burke are bigger and better known than any of the contestants. We call this "irony" in the trade.
5.) Rehearsal interstitials: This is a long-standing element, and to my thinking, it badly needs to be freshened up. It's exactly the same every season, and edited to "surprise" viewers who of course are no longer surprised at all. 6.) "So You Think You Can Dance:" I consider this a very minor issue. Yes, "SYTYCD" goes up against the results edition, but "DWTS" is seeing deterioration in the Monday edition as well. Oh, some seers have suggested, "what about 'House?'" Well? What about "House?" It was a huge hit last season as well. I consider this a complete red herring.
7.) Fatigue. My seventh and last reason. Audience fatigue. We've now, officially, Seen it All. New dances? The two-step is the dullest dance ever devised by the human mind. The Charleston? A wonderful addition - but also a reminder to viewers that they all are just...so...old.
Here's the thing - we, the viewer, love familiarity. We love the fact that we know what we know. We don't like grand and sweeping gestures by producers to gut formulas, or "mix things up," or turn a favorite enterprise inside out. But we do like gradual, reasonable change - evolution, let's say. This means the show will then still have the ability to surprise, and "surprise" is a vital element in keeping anything fresh and alive. There are no surprises on "DWTS" this season.
Tags: dancing with the stars , abc , melissa joan hart , donny osmond , jerry springer , michael irwin , mark cuban , aaron carter , kelly osbourne
