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Grading 39 Network fall 2013 shows: From first to worst
Photo credit: AP
What are the best new shows of the fall 2013-14 season?
Let's rephrase that for this Must-See/Must Avoid list: What look to be the most intriguing, most noteworthy, most watchable new shows of the fall season, on Fox, NBC, the CW, ABC and CBS?
Ah, that's easier, right? Let's get some basics in order before we proceed here. Foremost, what you are about to read is based entirely on fleeting first impressions largely gleaned from trailers. It may be outrageously wrong - what seems at first glance good could be awful, and what seems awful at first glance could be just fine.
That's the peril with first impressions, except that come this fall, viewers - you - will be asked to make a whole bunch of viewing decisions based on nothing more than a network song and a prayer - and trailer. And with a increasingly crowded landscape - nearly 40 new broadcast network fall and midseason shows alone - the value of first impressions is greater than ever.
So here's the plan. I will rank these newcomers based on nothing more than a hunch, born of years - a lifetime, in fact - of tube-watching. You too can feel free to make your own hunches too, though space and time here limit me from posting all of the trailers. Here's a final thought: I reserve the "right" - there is such a "right," right? - to change my opinion when I see the full episode later this summer, for review in Newsday.
Hey, there may be a whole bunch of pleasant surprises this fall, rendering my "first impression" list wrong and irrelevant. I hope so: TV surprises are nice. Predictable TV is a waste. So, networks, prove me wrong (or in those instances where the show looks good) right.
What does the fall season look like? You've heard it's buzz-free and you've heard correctly.
Here are two general impressions I've come away with:
* There are actually some decent dramas this fall/midseason - s ome exciting ones too - but network TV refuses to make television for adults - that is, people who want something thoughtful, with a compelling narrative not dependent on the usual hooks (sex, violence.) It clutches vainly to old models, old ideas, old styles. There are some genuinely interesting shows coming up, but they're mostly comic books. Nothing wrong with a comic book, but where's the smart provocative novel here?
* The comedy crop is grim. Is it too soon to say Comedy is Dead? No. Comedy is dead. At least network comedy is dead. Go to FX, or Comedy Central, or Netflix. Go anywhere and you'll find something more interesting or original. The networks need to rethink the form and rethink it fast.
Meanwhile, Here's how to read my scores:
75-100: Must-watch for lots of reasons, including - "this looks pretty good."
51-75: Sure, go head, what have you got to lose, except 44 minutes of your life, or 22 minutes, if it's a sitcom? But there could be some gold here.
50: The fencesitter score. Either we don't have enough info, or this could conceivably go either way - to the good or dark side.
30-49: Egads, not looking good. But some of this could end up being the biggest draw of the season ("Mom.")
20-30: Don't waste your valuable time. This is probably toxic.
0-20: What the hell were/are they thinking?
To the list!
"Almost Human" (Fox, midseason)
Premise: Set in 2048 - which is not at all like 2013 - a cop with a six million dollar leg and a few other assorted high tech parters, is partnered with a cyborg named Dorian (Michael Ealy.)
Like: Everything. The cast - especially Karl Urban, the action; the premise; the excellent trailer...Now, if only the show is this good...
Dis: Nothing. Dammit, I'm excited about this show.
Grade: 100
"Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." (ABC, Tuesdays, 8).
Premise: Agent Phil Coulson - Clark Gregg - is/are back, this time on the small screen, as he assembles some super-skilled agents as they fight some strange extraordinary stuff going on around the globe.
Like: Pretty much everything here screams out "you must watch me, even if I am on Tuesdays at 8, and failing that, at least on iTunes or Hulu..." It's just one of those big brawny comic book concepts designed to bring some excitement back to network TV, and almost certainly will.
Dis: More money was spilled into the trailer than networks normally spend on a whole hour drama. Is ABC perhaps over-promising and over-hyping here?
Grade: 100
"Resurrection" (ABC, mid.)
Premise: People of Arcadia, Mo. come back from the dead! In some instances, they have died years earlier, and "re-born" overseas (China) and find their way back "home." They have secrets. With Omar Epps.
Like: I'm actually pretty excited about this show. Some really good actors here - Kurtwood Smith, Frances Fisher, and of course Omar! He's back. But the idea is what's most intriguing - of love, and loss, and improbably of return. If this is done well, and the trailer indicates that it will be, this could be a terrifically engaging new series.
Dis: The only fear that this will drift into some new agey nonsense that'll strip it of any emotional power, and propel into the silly soup.
Grade: 97
"Intelligence" (Mondays, CBS, mid.)
Premise: It's "Chuck!" Just not quite as funny. With Josh Holloway as dude who has a chip planted in his brain that pretty much has all the information of the entire intelligence community planted in his brain which allows him to create "virtual information walls." I believe this is a short order that'll move into Mondays when "Hostages" takes a breather.
Like: Well, of course, cast! Marg Helgenberger. Josh Holloway. And this sort of "Chuck"-like idea taken to a logical, or semi-logical extreme, with a straight face. Plus, nice graphics. Plus, interesting/smart new Monday drama strategy for CBS. (See: "Hostages.") Certainly CBS's most intriguing new-comer, drama or comedy.
Dis: Nothing particularly. But I'm worried this might not be a CBS show, and the older audiences, which would after all sustain it, not watch at all.
Grade: 92
"Once upon a Time In Wonderland" (ABC, Thursdays, 8).
Premise: Bad doctors try to expunge the memories of one Alice, who recounts her trip down a rabbit hole where she sees odd stuff and falls in love with mysterious/handsome Cyrus...
Like: Looks to be 'nother beautifully executed/realized drama from the guys who brought you "Once Upon a Time" (Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz) and who are not particularly wedded to the source material. They go places Lewis Carroll probably never dreamed of or had cause to...
Dislike: It all feels a bit woolly-headed, and quite possibly not enough interested enough in the original source material - which, you know, had its strengths.
Grade: 90
"Hostages" (CBS, Monday, 10)
Premise: Family of surgeon who's about to operate on prez is taken hostage, and she's told to off the old boy; Dylan McDermott plays the bad guy - who is also - twist! - the good guy who breaks up hostage situations.
Like: Upon first hearing of this, first instinct was along the "uh-oh, here we go again" line. But the trailer does many things well, especially promising a more central role here for McDermott. There appears to be promise on many levels. Also, this is part of a new CBS short-season strategy, lifted from cable, in which a show runs for only about 13-or-so episodes before it cedes the time period over to another short-order series (see below.) For viewers, this is appealingbecause is suggests there's a narrative that'll be wrapped or will at least progress to a climactic end-point, and it sets them/us up to become more invested in the next - also short - season.
Dis: Wouldn't TEAMS of surgeons operate on the president? Unless he's having an abscessed molar removed? Just wondering....
Grade: 87
"The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC, Thursday, 9:30)
Premise: Beloved New York anchor Mike Henry returns to work. The complicating factor: He has Parkinson's.
Like: Easy one. MJF, of course, and the rest of the cast supports him well, if the trailer is representative. Dis: Unfortunately, the trailer is unfunny - a little too reliant on the easy "I have a disability" jokes-that-aren't-jokes - and the whole idea of "America's favorite newsman returning" to his place of employ - NBC! - which sounds like the biggest product placement score of the year (except for a CBS show...). But must-watch for one reason anyway.
Grade: 85
"The Originals" (CW, Tuesdays, 8)
Premise: the Original Vamp family gets its closeup in this "Vampire Diaries" set in New Orleans.
Like: The idea that Klaus Mikaelson - Joseph Morgan - is back with his own series. This looks darker and creepier and altogether more interesting that "TVD."
Dislike: Trailer indicates the unholy spawn of Klaus is forthcoming? Soap alert!
Grade: 84
"Crossbones" (NBC, mid.)
Premise: John Malkovich as Blackbeard.
Like: John Malkovich as Blackbeard? Where do I sign up for that?
Dis: On paper, nothing seems amiss. Malkovich is a smart guy and no hack - surely he's not getting himself into standard network drivel, right? This could be an interesting NBC show. Of course, I could be wrong. Badly. But it does have the pedigree.
Grade: 80
"Super Fun Night" (ABC, Wednesdays, 9:30).
Premise: Three ladies go out, get drunk, try to do this every Friday.
Like: The most promising new sitcom of the new season? Maybe. Rebel Wilson is no slouch of a funny lady after all.
Dis: Noisy trailer seemed to think some of the gags are funnier than they are.
Grade: 78
"We Are Men" (CBS, Monday, 8:30)
Premise: Guys - rephrase that, multiple-times divorced guys - putting lives back together, and trying to help new friend who got alter-dumped.
Like: I may sound like a moron for saying this - but that's OK; I'm comfortable with my moron-ness - but this actually feels like it might be a funny show. The cast is at least funny - Tony Shalhoub, Chris Smith - and the trailer had some zip.
Dis: These testosterone-dripping guycoms can be dangerous to your mental health.
Grade: 77
"The Blacklist "(Mondays, NBC, 9)
Premise: Super-criminal-on-the-lam surrenders to FBI and offers help to capture terrorist, but only if he can speak to cute new FBI recruit...There are 20 other baddies on his "blacklist" he promises to help catch.
Like: Well, certainly James Spader in the lead; he's channeling some Hannibal Lector, some Robert California, and even some Alan Shore here. As always, riveting.
Dis: This really does seem like one of those sttrrrrrettttched out concepts that don't withstand the scrutiny of logic. I mean, why only speak to her? Why come out of the cold? Why help catch other baddies? Whywhywhy? Of course, these questions - one assumes - will be answered.
Grade: 76
"The Crazy Ones" (CBS, Thursday, 9),
Premise: Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar, as father/daughter ad team. In pilot, they try to con Kelly Clarkson to sing a commercial jingle...Also stars James Wolk who now goes by "Jimmy" for some reason.
Like: An energetic trailer that actually elicited a laugh/two from a golden-years Robin Williams.
Dislike: Not so much a dislike as 'why is Sarah Michelle Gellar cast in this?" Is she funny? Really? Also, the trailer looks like an extended plug for McDonald's - another indication that advertisers are breaking down the walls to get bigger bangs for their big bucks.
Grade: 75
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"Sleepy Hollow" (Fox, Monday, 9)
Premise: Ichabod Crane (Tim Mison) bursts forth from the grave 250 years hence to help the local cops chase down the Headless Horseguy; and nab one of the four horsemen of hte Apocalypse.
Like: The fact that Tarrytown finally has a network drama set there; I mean - come on! Why so long? Plus, the tone is kind of playful, indicating the creators have a sense of humor.
Dis: Honestly, seems kinda dopey, I'm afraid.
Grade: 73
"Betrayal" (ABC, Sundays, 10):
Premise: Hot lady photog meets hot guy attorney, both married to someone else, presumably not as hot, at rooftop party in Chicago; one thing leads to next thing - AKA, the sack. More backstory: their illicit love yokes them to a complex plot involving city politics and murder...
Like: Seems to promise an above-average soap with enough inrigue to keep the ol' pot boiling away week after week.
Dis: Waaaay too complicated premise that requires a flow chart to understand what it's all about.
Grade: 71
"Brooklyn Nine-Nine" (Fox, Tuesdays, 8:30)
Premise: Smart-ass cop bugs the by-the-book precinct bosses. Andy Samberg; Andre Braugher.
Like: Certainly Samberg who has a couple funny lines and looks good in trailer; always Braugher.
Dislike: Has there been a single funny copcom since "Barney Miller?" Plus, how much will Samberg succumb - or submit - to the relentless soul and show deadening practice of networks thinking their jokes, ideas, and executions are funnier or more effective than the creators?
Grade: 68
"Crisis" (NBC, mid.)
Premise: High school bus carrying spawn of DC VIP's hijacked. With Gillian Anderson, Dermot Mulroney
Like: That Gillian is finally back on TV.
Dis: Another one of those preposterous TV ideas; at least on paper anyway. But very little out there to make any sort of judgment on this just yet.
Grade: 67
"The 100" (CW,mid-season)
Premise: 100 or so years after nuke Armageddon, 100 survivors - naturally all young and attractive - are sent from a web of space stations circling above the earth where the rest of the survivors have lived for generations. They want to see if earth is habitable.
Like: In principal, lots of things. If CW springs for special effects, we could meet some bizarre creatures - certainly some bizarre humans - who were genetically modified by the nuclear fission. This could be "The Hills Have Eyes," CW-style!
Dis: My suspicion is that the 100 will meet other teens on earth - also very cute - who escaped the nuclear catastrophe. Love will ensue.
Grade: 66
"About a Boy" (NBC, midseason)
Premise: One-hit-wonder musician Will - David Walton - retires, moves next door to a lady (Minnie Driver) who's his exact opposite; plus, she has a kid. From Nick Hornby book.
Like: No trailer, but like fact that Jason Katims is writing/producing; and Walton starring.
Dis: Never read Hornby book but doesn't this sound all kind of like a typical sitcom set-up? Say, a little too cutsey...?
Grade: 65
"Lucky 7" (ABC, Tuesdays, 10).
Premise: Seven gas station employees in Astoria chip in for Lotto and...win. But winning adds some complications.
Like: Well, Queens for starters; and originality. The idea of how money can change everything, or at least offer a rich vein of storytelling here.
Dis: Seems all over the place; plus a lot of stories to service, making this - or at least the trailer - confusing.
Grade: 63
"Believe" (NBC, mid.)
Premise: Tate, girl with amazing powers, like levitation, ability to control nature - you know, the usual stuff - hooks up with ex-con who comes to believe in her powers.
Like: Well, there could be some nice special effects, and some interesting storyline... Help me - I'm reaching here.
Dis: Sounds little too much like "Touch," and we've been there/done that.
Grade: 60
"Ironside" (Wednesdays NBC, 9)
Premise: Ironside, in NYC
Like: Blair Underwood, who's getting on his smokysultrybadass thing here. It has a "Luther"-ish feel to it too.
Dis: Another cop with take-justice-into-his-own-hands style. 'Scuse me while I stifle a yawn.
Grade: 59
"Sean Saves the World (NBC, Thursday, 9)
Premise: Overburdened, single gay dad of teen daughter.
Like: The idea of a Sean Hayes comedy, in principal; and Thomas Lennon, who also stas.
Dis: Almost dislike everything here, though particularly the cloying age-old multi-camera habit of making audiences hate multi-cam TV comedies....
Grade: 29
"Back in the Game" (ABC, Wed., 8:30).
Premise: Terry (Maggie Lawson) was all-star softball player until loser husband derailed her; has to move back in with dad (James Caan), a former big leaguer who's a loveable lout.
Like: Appealing leads, especially Lawson.
Dis: Super grating trailer that is like fingernails across the chalkboard; appears to come under heading, "Why People Hate Network TV Comedies."
Grade: 22
"Enlisted" (Friday, midseason, Fox, 9:30)
Premise: Three brothers - one of whom happens to be Geoff Stults - enlist and cause a whole lot of craziness.
Like: Energetic trailer that would promise an amusing diversion...
Dis:...if it were even remotely amusing. Which it is not.
Grade: 15
"Welcome to the Family' (NBC, Thursdays, 8:30.)
Premise: Daughter goes off to college, making parents happy; son of another family goes to college, making his clan happy. But son - who's Latino - gets daughter of family #1 pregnant. Oops.
Like: Let me think about this.
Dis: What has happened to the great NBC Thursday comedy tradition? That's a serious question, seriously... This is just a deeply unfunny uninteresting show concept, if the trailer is at all representative.
Grade: 10
"The Millers" (CBS, Thursday, 8:30)
Premise: News guy who's just split with his wife, and mom moves in.
Like: Cast. Margo Martindale. Will Arnett.
Dis; Trailer featured extended joke about masturbating, less extended ones about farting. Who laughs at this stuff? Really, who laughs at this?
Grade: 9
"Killer Women" (ABC, mid)
Premise: Badass Molly Parker (Tricia Helfer) is one badass of a Texas Ranger. Or to put this in a more badass kind of way: "She follows the law - but not the rules!" Believe it or nuts, Sofia Vergara produces this.
Like: Oh joy! The timeline continuum of TV has been reversed to 1977; maybe Kate Jackson will make a cameo in this.
Dis: Awful, awful, awful. But the title is marvelous, no?
Grade: 6
Steve Forrest dead: 'S.W.A.T.' actor was 87
Photo credit: AP
Steve Forrest, star of the '70s camp cop show "S.W.A.T." and one of TV's classic character actors of yore who appeared in a dozen or so westerns and even headlined a chestnut or two ("The Baron"), has died. He was 87, and died "peacefully" surrounded by family on May 18, per the Hollywood Reporter.
Forrest was one of those actors with a square jaw, great action chops and an ability to make you look at the small screen. He had classic looks too -- younger brother of Dana Andrews -- and used them to real effect in so many TV shows over so many years that it would be impossible to name them all here but included "The Virginian, "Death Valley Days," "Gunsmoke" and "The Longest Day." And the movies of course: "Rawhide," "Cimmaron Strip" and "The Name of the Game."
It was "S.W.A.T.," one of those '70s shoot-'em-ups so in favor then (and frankly, now too) for which he may best be remembered. Too bad, actually, because this wasn't great TV but it was memorable TV.
PHOTOS: Shocking celebrity deaths | Recent notable deaths | Celebs who died young
It's easy to say about Forrest that they don't make 'em like this anymore, but they really don't make 'em like this anymore... He was a World War II vet who fought in the Battle of the Bulge and came back to Hollywood to begin work in a nascent television business where he worked continuously -- and well. Another big loss to classic TV.
Check out the clip below -- "Car chases" -- revealing a cool customer of an action actor who indeed looked like his more famous bro. Surely some of you remember Lt. Dan "Hondo" Harrelson?
Billy Crystal in FX pilot
Photo credit: AP
Bill Crystal may be returning to TV - after a 30-year absence. FX Wednesday morning announced that he'll headline a new comedy, entitled "The Comedians," that will almost certainly land on the new FX comedy channel later this year or next. “It truly is an honor to be in business with Billy Crystal and Larry Charles, two of the all-time greats in comedy,” said FX chief John Landgraf, in a statement posted on Variety earlier today.
Charles: Yes, the same Larry of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Seinfeld" and "Entourage" and "Mad about You" and "Borat." More reason to assume this pilot order is a lock for a series pickup.
Show's about an aging comic who's paired with a young comic; he is apparently unhappy about this turn of professional affairs. (Sounds a bit like "Nashville," actually.) Crystal hasn't done series TV since the mid-80s and "Saturday Night Live," though there were brief cameos on "Friends" and "Frasier" in years past.
CBS re-signs with Tonys through 2018
Photo credit: AP
CBS's long and happy relationship with the Broadway League and American Theatre Wing continues: The network will continue airing the prestigious awards show through 2018, continuing a tradition that goes back to '78 when CBS first starting airing them.
The awards themselves are about to have their 67th annual awards ceremony on June 9 -- this time at Radio City after a couple of years at the Beacon. The ratings are never huge, but as mentioned, the awards themselves are prestigious and CBS does a terrific job mounting them -- in my humble opinion, those little AMPAS awards -- the Oscars -- could take some pointers from this show.
Billy Joel on next week's 'American Restoration'
Photo credit: AP
Among his many talents, Billy Joel knows something about restoration, specifically motorcycle restoration which (naturally) makes him a natural fit for "American Restoration," the Rick Dale-hosted History Channel series that brings new life to old things. Joel is on next week's episode, billed as a "special" one-hour one, in which the show and Dale get to restore a BSA Royal Star, circa 1967, and also visit Joel's own "shop'" - 20th Century Cycles- in Oyster Bay. Airs next Tuesday on History at 10 and - yes - we have clips:
CBS pulls season finale episode of 'Mike & Molly'
Photo credit: AP
CBS tonight took the unusual — and doubtless appropriate — step of dumping the season finale of “Mike & Molly,“ titled “Windy City,“ in the wake of a major tornado that devastated a swath of Oklahoma City earlier this evening. The clip below hints at CBS's action.
“Due to the tragic events this afternoon in Oklahoma, we are pre-empting tonight’s season finale of ‘Mike & Molly,’ which has a related story line. A repeat broadcast of ‘Mike & Molly’ will run in the time period. The season finale will be broadcast at an appropriate date,“ the network said in a statement.
Seth MacFarlane tweets the Oscars won't see him host again
Photo credit: Getty Images
Who wants Seth MacFarlane to return as host of the Oscars?
You do? Let's skip the "why" and go straight to the bad news then: He's done.
Or says he's done.
There's a difference between both phrases, and what eventually happens could be determined by time (his own) and ego (especially his own).
But for the moment, a reprisal in 2014 now seems remote. Monday MacFarlane...
Read more »'Mad Men' recap: Twenty mad crazy scenes from 'The Crash'
Photo credit: AMC
"The Crash" began with a crash, and ended with a crash, and kind of crashed multiple times during the entire episode, which is to say: Sunday night's "Mad Men" was quite possibly the most accurately entitled episode in show history.
But let's not tarry. Presumably you've already seen, so nothing will be spoiled here for you, but just in case, don't bother reading on. Too...
Read more »'SNL:' Was this Fred Armisen's farewell show, too?
Photo credit: IFC
Everyone knew Bill Hader - AKA Stefon, "James Carville,' "Keith Morrison," Alien Greg, and lots of game show hosts - was leaving "Saturday Night Live" after eight largely terrific seasons. And he did. As Stefon, almost getting married to Anderson Cooper on the 38th season finale...
But what about Jason Sudeikis and Fred Armisen? (Seth Meyers is being deposed from "Weekend...
Read more »'SNL:' Stefon's farewell
Photo credit: AP
It's not all that often that a very major presence on "Saturday Night Live" leaves this stage -- in this instance, Bill Hader, along with his rainbow coalition of characters, impersonations, and eyebrows. So Stefon's exit last night will forever remain one of those "SNL" moments we could never forget even if we wanted to. This exit is reasonably amazing.
So goodbye Stefon, and mazel tov.
