Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

DEAR AMY: My nephew donated his sperm to two lesbian friends so they could have a child. Since then, my nephew considers this little girl his, and my older sister believes the child is her granddaughter! The two lesbians allow my nephew and my older sister to see this child whenever they want. My younger sister and I are cordial to all of the parties involved but do not recognize this little girl as family -- only as a distant friend. My older sister cannot understand why we do not feel the same way she does and is rather upset at us. My younger sister and I think this is not normal and think, in my sister's mind, this may be the only "grandchild" she may have. My nephew is an alcoholic and currently in prison for DUI. Are we wrong, or has our older sister gone off the deep end?

-- John in Arizona

DEAR JOHN: If enveloping a child in familial love is "going off the deep end," then I have this to say: Last one into the deep end of this (gene) pool is a rotten egg. You should take a dip and see how it feels.

First of all, the child is biologically related to all of you. Her moms are open to all of you and are encouraging these family relationships. And any child with lots of grandparents, aunties and uncles (actual or otherwise) is a lucky child.

You and your younger sister have the right to reject this relationship, but you two could be the ones who are really missing out.


DEAR AMY: "Want to be Honest" was ready to shock his wife of 30 years (and mother of his kids) by telling her he is gay. But why do this now? Why didn't you tell him to honor his marriage vows?

-- Upset Reader

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DEAR UPSET: "Wanting" never mentioned leaving his marriage -- only wanting to disclose his sexuality. And once she knows the truth, his wife might not want to honor her marriage vows. She should be told.