She's turned off by overly attentive men

Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

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DEAR AMY: I am a single female in my 50s. I'm interested in dating and settling down.

The problem is that the men who have shown interest in me recently have inundated me right out of the starting gate with needy text messaging, out-of-control instant messaging, plus FaceTime calls (as well as regular calls). The latest guy started texting me all day during work hours. It strikes me as unprofessional that this man would be texting me all day during his work hours. I find this disruptive. I don't enjoy it at home, either. Is this just something that I have to endure, or is there some way for me to politely set boundaries and get these guys to cool it without them being offended? The last time I tried saying something politely to one of these guys, he completely stopped contacting me. What do I do?

-- Textually Frustrated

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Excessive contact can feel intrusive when you don't want it. Don't pass judgment on someone's commitment to his work if he chooses to send text messages during the workday. Just pay attention to your own comfort level.

You should tackle this the minute you feel it starting. Reply to a text, saying: "I'm not into frequent texting, but if you want to set up a time to get together (in person), let me know." Don't answer calls if you don't want to talk. The guy who reads you the best in this context is the guy you will want to see.


DEAR AMY: I was insulted by the letter from "Concerned Daughter," about her widowed father's sexual adventures. As a 68-year-old widower myself, I think you need to give the poor guy a break and try walking a mile in his shoes. It appears to me the daughter won't be happy unless her dad is sitting in a rocking chair, parked in an old folks' home.

-- Not Dead Yet

DEAR NOT DEAD: I've heard from many older people who did not agree with this daughter's judgment on her father's sex life.