Silence makes husband suspicious

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist. ...

DEAR AMY: A while ago I found out that my wife was texting a co-worker. She does not delete anything off her phone, but she did delete these texts to this guy, making it very suspicious. This caused a major rift in our relationship, and I am slowly getting over it. They were in frequent communication across various avenues: calls on their cellphones, Facebook, etc. Now they have ceased all communication. They are no longer Facebook friends, no more games on their phones, no cellphone calls -- nothing! I know that they talk frequently at work, but the lack of any communication that I can see and the change in what they used to do makes me suspicious. I feel like they're being sneaky about this relationship, and that continues to eat at me. We recently ran into him when we were out for the night, and he was obviously uncomfortable and left quickly. Am I overreacting for being suspicious about this? Any time I bring it up to my wife, she minimizes their relationship and tries to make it seem like less than it is.

-- Still Suspicious

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: You were suspicious when your wife and this guy were in touch, and now that they are not in touch, you are ... suspicious.

This reveals an insidious issue in your marriage. You and your wife are circling each other when you should be driving through the heart of this.

The best way to do this is with a seasoned marriage counselor. You need clarity to tamp down your suspicions, and she needs to be honest and completely transparent about this other relationship.


DEAR AMY: "Hard Working Mom" described a deadbeat dad. I work with men who have called child support services the minute they were hired to make sure their wages were garnished for their kids. Some people do the right thing, and it's important to remember that.

-- Reader

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DEAR READER: Fulfilling your legal obligations is definitely "the right thing" to do.

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