Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.
DEAR AMY: I am a woman in my 20s. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. My family is not particularly fond of him because of his particular sense of humor, as well as things they think they have noticed that make it seem I am giving more in the relationship than he is (which, in my opinion, is not true). He recently accepted a job about six hours away and has asked me to move with him after my lease expires. Practically everything I have (job, friends, family) is right here. If I choose to leave, I would have to create a new life for myself. While the change seems exciting, I am not entirely sure the move is a smart one. My boyfriend and I have not discussed future plans in depth (such as if we want to get married). We would both rather just take life day by day. My boyfriend wants me to follow him, and my family will support me no matter what choice I make. Right now, my heart is saying, "Yes," and my head is saying, "Ummm . . . I have no idea!" I don't want to stay here if my boyfriend is "the one." What would you do?
-- Stay or Go?
DEAR STAY: When I was in your situation, I moved. But my head and heart were aligned, and the move was a great one.
So far, you dismiss your family's objections to this relationship, but then your actions prove that their reservations might be warranted. They are worried that you are giving more than he is? Here you are, doing exactly that.
He is choosing to move away. If he genuinely wants you to relocate, then he should make this move enticing by demonstrating that this could be a great move for you.
There are no guarantees in life. Taking great leaps into the unknown can yield wonderful adventures. But if your boyfriend is "the one," you will know it, regardless of whether you relocate to be with him. Stay put for now, and let him figure out how to make this change compelling.
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