Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.
DEAR AMY: I met a girl on eHarmony, and we really hit it off. Over the past three weeks, we have talked for only an hour total on the phone but have sent more than 500 texts back and forth. Now the texts are becoming distant. What started out as "Good night, sweet dreams, thinking of you," is now just, "Night." I've tried phoning her, but it goes to voice mail, so I leave a message and go on with my day. We have tried to meet up, but she works two jobs, has two kids and lives 25 minutes away. I am happy to drive but don't think it's fair to her kids to have some stranger come by and chat with their mother. I am unsure how to continue. Should I just skip texting until she initiates communication first? I really like this girl, and I've told her that. She's funny, smart, good looking and has a great sense of family values. I would like to have a relationship, but I'm not sure if stopping texting would imply, "Hey, I'm not interested anymore" or "Hey, I'm tired of texting."
--Wanting MoreDEAR WANTING: Go for the "meet." Texting, emailing, G-chatting and other forms of not-in-person communication should be used mainly to
arrange to meet one another in person. Otherwise, you can write yourself into a romance that isn't quite real.
Once you meet each other, you can text, etc., to your heart's content, and while you still have no guarantee that a relationship will take off, at least you know that whatever interaction you have has some traction.
If someone doesn't want to meet you (even to the extent of dashing out for coffee between other commitments), then she either is not into you or is simply unavailable. Does it matter to you which one it is? I hope not.
Stop texting her. You don't need to explain yourself. She may respond by asking you where you went, in which case you can talk (or text) about it.
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