Timing not right for exes to reconcile

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

DEAR AMY: My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost three years and have now been broken up for a year. I was trying to distance myself to move on, and I imagine she was doing the same. I have been in other relationships in the past year or so, but I am still having a hard time getting over her. I compare the girls I meet to her -- and they don't seem to measure up. We saw each other last weekend at a party, and she told me she still has feelings for me. My feelings for her have not gone away, and I told her this. She is leaving for school on the other side of the country for a year and doesn't want to start a relationship, and I completely agree. I am just confused about why she told me her feelings now -- especially when she is leaving in a few weeks. I can picture being with her for the rest of my life, I just don't want to pressure her, as it is not the best timing. I am really confused. Do you have any thoughts?

-- 23 and Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Your ex probably has had the same kind of year you have had -- trying out various relationships and finding they don't add up to what she had with you.

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Knowing her plans are already in place makes it safe for her to admit all of this to you. This opens the door for you two to simply try to patiently tolerate the challenge, while welcoming the potential. You should admit to your confusion.

It's OK not to know exactly what to do. You two are in a great place in many ways; you already know each other and you are in a better position now to know what you want.


DEAR AMY: "Technically Frustrated" was upset because her mom violated her privacy on Facebook. I was in a similar situation. My son sat down with me and taught me how to change my privacy settings so we were both happy. I'm sure the mom is totally naive about where those pictures can go.

-- Judi

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DEAR JUDI: This mom didn't seem open to reason, but I'm happy you were.

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