With friends like these, who needs enemies?

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Ask Amy Amy Dickinson, Ask Amy

Amy Dickinson is a general advice columnist.

DEAR AMY: A group of "frenemies" recently went on a trip together. I wasn't invited and didn't have any expectation of an invitation. During their trip, someone in the group took a picture of them doing their thing, added what they considered a funny caption and sent it to my email. I didn't find it to be a funny friend share, if you know what I mean. I think it was a spiteful, mean-spirited thing to do. When I spoke about it to someone who knows the situation and who has also been hurt by this group, I was told to put on my big girl panties and get over it. My question is: Am I wrong to interpret this as a kind of bullying? I have, however, finally taken the hint and distanced myself from this group. I'm a grown woman and this has put me in a deep funk. How do young people handle this?

-- Rejected and Dejected

DEAR REJECTED: This is a kind of bullying. It is the obnoxious, exclusionary, passive-aggressive, "Housewives of Atlanta" kind of bullying.

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Young people handle this the same way you did -- by feeling sad and dejected and wondering where they went wrong to somehow deserve this treatment. But let me pass along some wisdom: Sometimes, it's really not you. It's them. Sometimes, people are the worst.

You should move on and up and away from this petty cruelty. Then you and I are going to band together. We will hunt down the person who came up with this "big girl panties" expression (I'm blaming Oprah), and we will do what we can to eradicate it from popular usage.


DEAR AMY: I want to echo others' responses to the comment by "Indian Man" that "American women are shallow." Tolerating misogyny is what leads to much worse behavior. You should not have published this in your column.

-- Disappointed

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DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I am most often accused of being anti-male. So at least I am an equal opportunity offender.

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