I was so touched watching the VMAs last night on MTV when Madonna took the stage with her heartfelt account of her brief friendship with Michael Jackson. The tribute that followed was tasteful and entertaining, and I felt for Janet Jackson when I saw the emotion on her face after she danced to his Scream video, in which she ordinarily appears but was cleverly erased from last night, making it a sort of 3-D experience with Michael dancing on the screen and Janet duplicating his moves on the stage in front of it.


When Katy Perry and Joe Perry did their cover of Queen's "We will rock you," I raced to the computer to google Katy and find out if maybe she was Joe's daughter. She is not. I cheered when Eminem won for "We made you," and said "you're welcome" when he thanked all his fans for "sticking by me all this time."

My daughter Justine's friend, Olivia, who had spent an entire night in the New York subway system last month acting as an extra in the pre-recorded Taylor Swift performance of "You belong with me," was nowhere to be found in the crowd of subway riders. Taking full advantage of the DVR, we paused, rewound, watched in slow-mo. But no sign of Olivia. Apparently she's on the cutting room floor somewhere.

And when the camera settled on Lady GaGa in the audience, I was sure the night had reached its lowest point. I was wrong.

When Taylor Swift took to the stage to accept her award for best female video award, Kanye West stormed the stage, ripped the microphone from her hand and said, in a nutshell, that Beyonce should be up there accepting that award instead. My heart sank for Swift, and I'm not even a fan. Can you imagine being given such an honor and not only having the spotlight stolen from you, but having someone publicly proclaim that you're not worthy?

When I suggested this morning that he should have been arrested, as any sports fan would be for charging the field or concertgoer for jumping on stage, at least one person felt such attacks "come with the territory" of fame and suggested I was being harsh.

In true Garden Detective style then, I propose that at the very least, West should contract head-to-toe poison ivy. And be denied calamine.

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(AP Photo)