Spin Cycle

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A dystopia imagined in Nassau

Nassau Coliseum as envisioned by satirists at the

Nassau Coliseum as envisioned by satirists at the Lighthouse Hockey blog. (Credit: lighthousehockey.com)

If you think Nassau County has had problems developing the Coliseum property for the past decade, just wait until 2037.

In this dystopian, tongue-in-cheek future — as penned on Monday by the Lighthouse Hockey blog — Nassau has morphed into a hybrid of “Mad Max” and John Carpenter’s “Escape from New York,” with a bit of Arnold Schwarzenegger's “Total Recall” in for good measure.

In our dark future, the New York Islanders left Nassau in 2015 and the Coliseum closed its doors five years later. But, it gets worse.

“The structure was accidentally destroyed by an errant nuclear missile launched by North Korea in 2023 and the surrounding arena, once optimistically referred to as ‘The Hub,’ has been a wasteland of radioactive debris, fallout and mutant rodents ever since,” the post reads.

The satire goes on to mock Nassau County Executive Edward Mangano’s plan to jump-start development at the Coliseum, a plan first disclosed by Newsday on Sunday. The post also ribs Nassau Democratic Party chairman Jay Jacobs and Long Island Federation of Labor president John Durso, a critic and fan of Mangano's plan, respectively.

In our grim future, the county is run by the Nassau County Corp. and its chief executive Vangelis Cohaagen, who wants to bring back hockey or an unnamed professional Rollerball team to the region, along with convention space, housing, retail and a “replicant incubation facility, and an execution game show studio. Officials also want a 73,000-space parking garage for both terrestrial and flying vehicles as well as a launching pad for possible satellite probes.”

The full bit is clickable here.

Tags: Nassau , Nassau Coliseum , Islanders , Edward Mangano , Vangelis Cohaagen , science fiction

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