Employees don't have to put up with harassment from co-worker

Amy Dickinson | Ask Amy

May 9, 2008

Dear Amy: I work at a local store. We all get along pretty well, except for one issue. One of the employees, "Betsy," is gay. None of us has a problem with her life choice, but she keeps coming on to certain female employees who are straight.

These women like Betsy and have made it clear they're not interested, saying, "Sorry, I'm not interested; that's not my choice; let's just be friends." But Betsy doesn't seem to get the hint. She keeps making extremely inappropriate comments and propositions people.

Despite this, everyone likes her. No one wants to get her in trouble.

My attitude on the whole matter is, if this situation were reversed and a man were doing this, someone would be running to management about the comments.

Amy Dickinson Bio | E-mail | Recent columns

My opinion is that when someone tells you "no," you should respect her wishes.

How do we get Betsy to take the hint? No one involved wants her to get in trouble, but at the same time we are fed up.

—Puzzled

Dear Puzzled: First off, "Betsy's" sexuality isn't a "life choice," any more than yours is.

Sexual harassment, however, is a choice, and a very poor one.

Anyone being propositioned or sexually harassed should report it. You and your co-workers have a right to work in an environment free of harassment.

I'm not sure why you are all so eager to protect Betsy from the consequences of sexually harassing people. You're enabling her to do this. Anyone Betsy propositions should tell her, "That is completely inappropriate, and you need to stop." Then, certainly, if there are repeated incidents, this matter should be taken to a supervisor.

Dear Amy: Two years ago, I joined a gym in the next town so I could exercise and not socialize.

Now, after two years of keeping to myself, I am disappointed that I have not formed any friendships.

Because I have established myself as a loner, I find it difficult to suddenly strike up conversations.

Should I join the gym closer to my home and give it a new start? Maybe I should work on changing my loner status, but how?

—Seeking an Ice-breaker

Dear Seeking: You could try to switch up your routine at the gym as a way to break out of your old social habits and give yourself something of a fresh start. Join a spinning class or start using the pool. Change your workout hours if possible.

Once you've made the change, concentrate on speaking to people. You could ask someone how to use an unfamiliar piece of equipment or say something as simple as, "We've been running on the treadmill next to each other for two years, but I've never introduced myself. I'm John."

If none of this works, then by all means start going to the gym closer to your home; this way you'll meet people who live closer to you—you'll run into them at the supermarket and the post office, giving you more opportunities to interact when you're not perspiring.

Dear Amy: A reader wrote to you about "Veg-All," which prompted you to ask readers for their "yuckiest food" stories. By the way, Veg-All is a canned mixture of corn, peas, lima beans, cubed potatoes, celery and carrots.

Your readers may be interested to know that it can be made even yuckier than it is in its native state.

My mother used to drain off the "light onion broth," mix in some Miracle Whip and chill the concoction. Yum!

—Still Tasting It

Dear Still: Anything yucky is made exponentially yuckier by the addition of Miracle Whip (I note with great affection).

Thanks for the tale. I'll run more in future columns.

Ask Amy appears Monday through Saturday in Tempo and Sunday in Q. Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611. Previous columns are available at chicagotribune.com/amy.