Clueless K-Fed’s gold-digger rap

Rafer Guzmán | WITH THE BAND

October 31, 2006

Why won't anyone take Kevin Federline's rap career seriously? On the song "America's Most Hated," the hopeful hip-hopper tries to shoot down his critics: "I got 50 mil, I can do whatever I want/I don't need a deal, I can do whatever I want."

That's probably true, but where did Federline get that $50 million? And why doesn't he need a record deal? Unless he's a better businessman than we thought, the answer would seem to be his wife, a wealthy blond pop singer named Britney Spears.

On his debut album, "Playing With Fire," released on his own Federation Records label, Federline is so busy acting out a diamond-encrusted fantasy that he ignores reality. When rappers brag about money, it's usually because they earned it (legally or otherwise), but Federline may be the first rapper to brag about marrying rich.

Time and again, he gallingly flaunts his fortune, his cars, his jewelry. When he scoffs, "Look, man, I'm in a whole 'nother tax bracket," on the single "Lose Control," Federline comes across as a distasteful gold digger - the Anna Nicole Smith of rap.

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"Playing With Fire" is likely to further cement K-Fed's reputation as a rube who won life's lottery when he married Spears. He seems totally devoid of insight, unable to tell a compelling story or present a sympathetic side to his personality. The album opens with news broadcasts attacking his marriage and his parenting skills, but that's as deep as Federline delves.

He's mostly concerned with pumping up his image, knocking down haters and proving his street-cred. "The world is mine and everything in it/Young Jeezy told me that/So I'ma go and get it," he claims on "The World Is Mine." (Somewhere, Jeezy must be cringing.)

Anyone who heard Federline's early leaked demos could predict how this album would sound. Federline raps competently but unimaginatively over chintzy beats with lots of treble and little bass. (The bootleg "PopoZão" met with gales of laughter last year, and Federline wisely leaves it off the album.)

He even offers a sort of apology: "I make music America can feel/Don't get it twisted, 'PopoZão' was all Brazil.") The album tracks come from mostly no-name producers, save for Jonathan "J.R." Rotem, who recently helped out on Paris Hilton's album.

The other recognizable name here belongs to Federline's wife, but even her star-power can't juice up the listless club track "Crazy." Spears sounds as generic as a hired backup singer when she pipes her way through the high-pitched hook: "And they say/I'm crazy/For loving you."

Throughout the album, Federline aims for Eminem's sing-song cadence, Snoop Dogg's laid-back insouciance and 50 Cent's menace, failing each time. (Here's his idea of thugging: "As I march through the valley of the shadow of death/Daughter on my chest/Wife on my left.")

Federline seems to have no idea what it means to be a rapper - he just wants to spend money like one.

PLAYING WITH FIRE. Kevin Federline. (Federation Records). In stores today. Grade: D.