Valentine's season: Time to examine those office flings

Patricia Kitchen | Change@work

4:16 PM EST, February 6, 2008

There are co-workers who meet and fall in love at the office -- or, maybe, just have a fling. And then there are married co-workers who meet and fall in love at work -- or, maybe, just have a fling.

If the first camp presents ample opportunities for workplace distraction and drama, just think of the dust storms the second camp can kick up -- You know, angry spouses showing up in the lobby.

According to the annual Office Romance Survey -- yes, Valentine's Day is a week away -- 48 percent of 945 employees surveyed say they've known of a married colleague who cheated on his or her spouse with someone at work. And 40 percent say they know of a married -- or otherwise seriously committed -- co-worker who got a little frisky with someone on a business trip. The survey was conducted last month by Vault.com, a Manhattan-based career web site.

Here's what Great Neck relationship expert Robin Gorman Newman wants to know about the findings: "How do they all know that? Are people that open? Are they that blatant? Or are they being outed by someone?"

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She says the findings speak to the unlikelihood of keeping such activity under wraps.

And while finding out about single colleagues who are dating may generate a little buzz, the involvement of married workers really gets the gossip mill fired up. And, Newman says, it can lead to results such as loosing out on a raise or a promotion once the boss finds out -- unless, of course, you ARE the boss.

Gorman Newman, founder of Lovecoach.com, tells of a job she had where a married partner was stepping out with a client. When the partner's wife came into the office, "we all wondered if she knew." And when he was all "lovey-dovey" with his wife, Gorman Newman says she and colleagues thought "you are so full of it."

While workplace dalliances are not among the top "precipitating factors" he sees in divorce cases, Ken Koopersmith, an attorney in Garden City says, "it happens not infrequently." Of course, in some cases, two marriages end up being dissolved.

So, if you're married, are expecting a less than sizzling Valentine's Day and are considering making a play for a work colleague, here's some advice from Koopersmith: "Stay the hell away.

"It can give rise to all kinds of complications and disappointments," he says. "It could result in your losing your job, losing friends or losing your spouse. It's not a good idea."