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Spitzer's fall shows certainty is not so certain

Ellis Henican

March 16, 2008

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A week ago, here's what we knew for certain:

Eliot Spitzer was highly unpopular. But he certainly wasn't going anywhere.

David Paterson was a fine lieutenant governor. But he certainly wasn't going anywhere.

Well, certainty certainly ain't what it used to be!

Ellis Henican Bio | E-mail | Recent columns

Paterson's suddenly a man with a blue-sky future, and Spitzer's making his rapid way from humiliation to oblivion. Who says the world can't change in a week? Even Albany packs the occasional surprise.

Who knew?

Less than a week into the self-immolation of New York's Democratic governor, what lingers isn't just the hypocrisy, the tawdry talk, the inexplicable stupidity or the sky-high hourly rates - or even the skin-baring publicity shots of Kristen or Ashley or whatever name we're using now for America's best-known (and best-paid?) hotel-room cuddle buddy.

It's the head-spinning swiftness of it all.

No self-righteous politician - or business leader or clergyman or celebrity - can ever again look in the mirror and mutter with certainty: "I've got my bases covered here. My secret's safe. I am fully protected. No one is onto me."

If Eliot Spitzer, with all his money, all his power, all his success and all his supposed intelligence, could get snared wiring money to an Internet hooker ring, what chance do lesser miscreants have?

Certainly not the chance they thought they did.

Certainly not.

THE FASO CURSE: Consider the shocking flameouts of the last two Democrats who dared to run against Republican John Faso: Alan Hevesi (state comptroller, 2002) and Eliot Spitzer (governor, 2006). Both Dems trounced the former Republican assemblyman on Election Day. Somewhere, he must be smiling now.

LAND MAN: How different would Long Island be today if Roger Rechler had been satisfied owning a single gift shop in Manhasset? With brother Donald, the former tchotchke man (dead of lung cancer at 66) accumulated 100 major buildings and 6 million square feet - the Island's largest commercial real-estate portfolio. R.I.P.

THE NOSES KNOW: Now that stars are so open about their abusive childhoods and rush trips to rehab, what's left for celebs to reveal - and who just revealed it? That would be brave Ashlee Simpson, telling Us Weekly what fans have suspected: Yes, Jes' li'l sis had a nose job. Wonder if she used the same doc as Spitzer hotel pal Ashley Dupré? Two fine snout snips, whoever did 'em!

ELLIS' BOOK CLUB: Guess I was the last to learn that "Natalia Prentice," author of "The Trail," (hot political-financial thriller about a journalist caught in a deadly embezzlement scheme) is really ex-Wall Streeter and current Demos fellow Nomi Prins. Or is that still a big secret? Not much longer! The double identity should be no surprise: For years, Nomi ("Jacked," "Other Peoples' Money") has been writing sizzling nonfiction on Washington corruption and Wall Street greed.

ASKED AND UNANSWERED: If Billy Crystal gets to bat for the Yankees, does Spike Lee get to dunk for the Knicks? ... Dr. Alan Cantor of East Meadow, the alleged Medicaid fraudster: Is he a podiatrist or a mortician? Some of those feet he claimed to treat were awfully chilly, probers say ... Will the MTA's new text-message delay alerts ever say: "You probably ought to just drive today"? ... Is Easter early enough for you this year? If it were any earlier, we'd be lining the baskets with tinsel ... Can we add Bellmore's Mepham High to the list? That's the growing list of schools put on lockdown over bogus Friday threat pranks ... The difference between $20 and $200, that's obvious. But what does a $4,000 call girl have that a $1,000 call girl doesn't? ... As we grumble over the new $4.50 Midtown Tunnel toll, should we feel any better knowing some poor sucker at the Verrazano Bridge is plunking down $10? ... How relieved is 2007 Miss America Lauren Nelson that she won't have to testify in that "America's Most Wanted" indecent-material-to-a-minor case? In midtrial, Lawrence Carulli, 49, pleaded guilty in Suffolk with a no-jail-time deal ... If credit-crunched Bear Stearns is having a cash crisis, why should I feel so bad about slipping into subzero Checking Plus? BEAR Stearns? Is that some kind of joke, or what? ... Toots Shor and Sirio Macchioni already have documentaries about their storied restaurant careers. But why no doc on Rao's honcho (and "Sopranos" FBI man) Frankie Pellegrino? Broadway producer Irving Welzer is vowing to correct the oversight ... Have friends in Atlanta? Better visit quick. Come May 1, Delta grounds the only ISP-ATL nonstops.

ELIOT 101

1 Smart people sure are stupid.

2 It’s cruel to make the wife stand there.

3 Pay cash.

4 The straightest arrow is the easiest to bend.

5 Never bet against the blind black guy.