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State of confusion over any Long Island statehood

Ellis Henican

March 30, 2008

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You think it's easy getting to be a state?

Try telling that to the District of Columbia, which has been beating the statehood drum since the days when the Mayflower Hotel was famous for J. Edgar Hoover's kinky behavior - not Eliot Spitzer's.

But hope springs eternal, and old ideas never die. They just get touted again by Suffolk County comptrollers who grow tired of seeing so much local tax money sucked away to Albany.

Nobody likes that. Nobody around here, anyway.

Ellis Henican Bio | E-mail | Recent columns

You know the arguments for making Long Island its own state. They're being touted this weekend from Elmont to Montauk. More people than any American city besides New York, Chicago or L.A. And with almost as many automobiles and flat-screen TVs as people, Long Island has a road system way more developed than Mississippi's and a tax base that makes North Dakota look like Senegal.

We have deeply embedded corruption, ancient ethnic rivalries, even an NHL team - what else does a self-respecting state need these day? Who knows, one day we might even have Donald Trump.

But on Friday, when Suffolk Comptroller Joseph Sawicki floated the idea to the Long Island Economic and Social Policy Institute at Dowling College, you got the distinct impression that he didn't have a total grip yet on every last issue involved.

Mineola or Riverhead - who gets the capital? Can Long Island charge a state income tax to reverse commuters from New York? And what about the name? (Has anyone considered Long Island? It's no dumber than Rhode Island. Who's Rhode, anyway?)

Thankfully, history provides some guidance here.

In 1969, Norman Mailer ran for mayor of New York promising to make the city the 51st state.

Like Sawicki after him, Mailer cited money as a primary reason. "New York cannot begin to solve its budgetary problems until it becomes the 51st state," he said.

But being a novelist, Mailer also looked inside the human soul. "The single most important problem is alienation," he said.

Somehow, that would be solved by creating a 51st state. Brilliant as Mailer undeniably was, he never got around to explaining that one. And not too long ago, he died.

PAY DAY: OK, so they're not the most sympathetic hard-luck cases. But don't those poor-mouthing Nassau legislators kinda have a point? $39,500 is pretty a stingy salary for a professional lawmaker. What's that? Oh, good point! We're talking about the Nassau legislature! Never mind!

ANTE UP: Taylor Caby, 24, is co-founder of CardRunners, America's "leading poker instructional community." The young card shark shows up Tuesday night at NYU's Stern Business School to tell the budding MBAs: "Don't feel guilty about those late-night no-limit Hold 'Em games. You were just preparing for your Wall Street careers." Caby's lecture title? "Poker: Training Ground for Finance." And you probably thought it was the other way around.

IT ISN'T EVEN APRIL: And David Paterson is already closing on a budget deal with the legislature. Don't these people understand? All that talk about Albany cooperation was supposed to be totally insincere.

ASKED AND UNANSWERED: Is there still a double standard when it comes to FEMALE teachers and a MALE student? A certain Ms. Kennedy is definitely hoping so ... Is Molly Bishop, 29, a brilliant political fund-raiser - or just a congressman's daughter? $270,000 says she must be one of those, at least ... When LIPA chief Kevin Law tells Newsday's Mark Harrington that electric rates are "only heading in one direction," does anyone really think that direction is DOWN? ... Have Eliot Spitzer's immolation and David Paterson's tumultuous start given Tom Suozzi any bright ideas? Do those ideas involve a lot of driving up and down the Thruway? ... Not too romantic: How'd you like to be the woman Bobby Abreu hurries up and marries to even out a silly race-to-the-altar bet with Hideki Matsui, his newlywed Yankee teammate? ... Is "fender bender" the official term when two LIRR trains lightly collide at Jamaica? How 'bout "a whole lot less disastrous than it could have been, thank God?" ... Doesn't Gov. Paterson realize? It's gotten way duller around here since he stopped giving interviews about his personal life ... So really, why did MSG abandon the new Penn Station deal? Saving money for the company's Newsday bid? ... Doubling the state tax on cigarettes (to $3 a pack) may be good politics, but at some point, doesn't Albany have to ask: Aren't we only chasing smokers from local convenience stores to Indian reservations and the Internet? ... Chuck D was great, but when's Flavor Flav coming to Lawrence Road Middle School? Can he please bring his "Flavor of Love" friends? "Yeah, boyeee!"

GREAT STATE OF LI

1 Won’t Staten Island be jealous?

2 If Idaho and North Dakota can do it, how hard could it be?

3 Levy and Suozzi can’t both be governor

4 STATE Comptroller Joseph Sawicki

5 New state will not be called East East Queens