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Want a Ferret? Go for It

Denise Flaim | Animal House

May 23, 2000

LOVE HURTS. Especially if you're a ferret.

"It's a very disturbing mating ritual," says Mary Shefferman, explaining why ferrets are neutered before arriving in pet shops. "The females are induced ovulators. And I think the part that helps ovulation is getting the heck beaten out of them."

When it comes to things ferrety, Mary's got the answers, from what you call a bunch of them (a "business" of ferrets) to how former "Night Court" star Harry Anderson "hypnotizes" those in his magic act (hold them by the scruff of the neck and they instantly go limp).

Along with her husband, Eric, Mary publishes Modern Ferret, a bimonthly magazine. (Their self-published book, "The Wit and Wisdom of the Modern Ferrets," is due next month.) In a tiered wire cage in the living room of their Lake Grove home, under the glow of a string of flamingo lights that echo Mary's pinkish hair, live eight ferrets - Sabrina, Cauliflower, Trixie, Bosco da Gama, Balthazar, Koosh, Gabrielle and Knuks.

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"It's 'skunk' spelled backward," Mary says of Knuks, who started life with the correspondingly inverse coloration - white with a black stripe. Now all white, Knuks is cuddly and doesn't leap out of my arms. "Some ferrets don't believe in gravity," says Mary gravely.

Though their snipey faces and scurrying gaits remind some people of rodents, ferrets are actually more closely related to weasels, minks and otters. To be precise, they are descended from polecats and were bred for rabbit hunting in Europe, where some are still used: A ferret is released into a rabbit warren, flushing the twitchy-nosed prey upward to the awaiting nets. With a lifespan of six to 10 years, ferrets are prone to adrenal disease and certain cancers, and need to be inoculated for rabies and canine distemper.

Ferrets' personalities vary as much as their coloration. (The brown ones harken back to the polecat's coloring; white markings on the head and all-white coats without pink eyes are genetically linked to deafness, which Mary points out can be "very useful - they won't jump or nip because a loud sound scares them.") Most can be trained to a litter box, and some can learn to recognize their names. All have an irrepressible sense of humor, and can closely "imprint" on foods - Cheerios, a certain cat-food brand - and can starve to death rather than eat any others.

In the Shefferman household, the challenge is to keep Gabrielle from wedging herself into the crevices of the curvaceous couch, whose foamy interior is a constant temptation. "The hardest part is ferret proofing," explains Mary, pointing out the concessions made to their industriously inquisitive roommates: The IKEA wall units have been adjusted so the lowest shelves are just out of reach. A big, flat red pillow on the floor makes a "landing pad" to cushion leaps from the couch. Sheets of clear Plexiglas block doorways. And because ferrets often satisfy their digging impulses on the carpet, the Sheffermans created a sandbox of sorts by filling a plastic bin with rice.

Though ferrets sleep 16 to 18 hours a day, they aren't content to stay in their cages. "Some people don't realize they need intellectual stimulation," particularly involving their favorite activity - hiding things and squeezing into tiny places, says Mary. "If you want to get a dog and don't have enough time for one, you don't have enough time for a ferret."

Though ferrets have been domesticated for at least 2,500 years, today the animals are illegal in some states - such as California - and some municipalities, including New York City. They are legal in New York State and on Long Island.

Ferret owners - some of whom have mounted campaigns to lift the bans - think that stinks. They object, however, to that word in another context: Though some ferrets are "descented" by removing scent glands near the tail, they still have a musky smell from the oils secreted through their skin.

Mary thinks the funk factor is actually pretty low. She continues her list of misconceptions people have about ferrets: "They think they're wild animals and they bite a lot."

Maybe not a lot, but in my visit of two hours, I got as many love nips: While inspecting my leather sandals, Bosco da Gama took a half- hearted chomp of my instep. And once he got tired of trying to infiltrate my pocketbook, Balthazar left a faint impression in my upper arm.

"They like to test boundaries with people," explained Mary, whisking away Bosco like a chagrined mommy. "If a ferret wanted to hurt you, he'd latch on and you'd know."

Marzena Grabczynska of Glen Cove, an owner of four ferrets and a loyal subscriber to Modern Ferret, says "foot fetishes" like Bosco's are common. "That's how they say, 'Come on - I want to play.' "

And that's what the Sheffermans' "business" of ferrets - in both senses of the word - is all about.

"Plenty of people will tell you they are not domesticated," says Mary, flipping Sabrina over on her back. "But they are social and they like people and they want to interact with you."

Sabrina, reveling in her belly rub, seems to concur.