STEVEN PETROW'S COMPLETE GAY & LESBIAN MANNERS: The Definitive Guide to LGBT Life, by Steven Petrow, with Sally Chew. Workman Publishing, 417 pp., $17.95.

Now that gay weddings have been greenlighted in New York and some other liberal states (the federal Defense of Marriage Act notwithstanding), you may have some questions on etiquette at such affairs.

advertisement | advertise on newsday

Petrow, former president of the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association and a syndicated columnist on gay manners, will set you straight in this comprehensive guide that, he writes, even covers rules that "have yet to be figured out." And it's geared not only to gays but to all the people who love them.

THE SCOOP Besides an extensive wedding chapter, there are others on Illness & Grieving (Petrow discusses the importance of a will), Workplace Etiquette, Parenting and more.

THE BOTTOM LINE Straight or gay, manners are manners. Kindness is kindness. But sometimes, it helps to know what to say.