Mom, Dad meet MySpace and Facebook

Parents, repeat this until you believe it: "MySpace is not the enemy."

Accept that your children are going to use so-called social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook. They are part of this generation's culture and social life.

They will sign up for a free membership and create a "page," a kind of online biography that includes photos and information such as what school they attend and what entertainment they like. Then other members send messages asking to be "friends." If your child says "yes," that person can view your child's page.

Remember the adage, "If you can't beat them, join them"? Cyber experts urge parents to get on the computer and learn how these social sites work, and then set some rules for their tweens and teens.

"Don't fight your kids. Don't try to stop them from doing this. Collaborate with them," said Brian Olson, vice president of public affairs for Video Professor Inc., a Colorado-based company that makes self-tutorials on technology lessons such as how to keep children safe online.

Say something such as, "I know these are popular Web sites. Can I see what you've got up there?" advised Jayne Hitchcock, a cyber crime expert and author of the book "Net Crimes and Misdemeanors." You might even create a MySpace or Facebook page for yourself, she said. Say to your tween or teen: "Can you help me do one? Will you be my first friend?"

Then, open a continuing, nonthreatening dialogue with your child. "The parent is supposed to be in charge," said Larry Rosen, author of the book "Me, MySpace and I: Parenting the Net Generation." "What happens with technology is it turns the parenting structure upside down. Because the kids know so much more than us, we tend to give up that parent role." We shouldn't. Parents need to insist that their children allow them access to their page and its details, including the pictures they have posted, the personal information they are divulging and the people on their "friends list."

Don't freak out in front of your daughter if you find she has posted a photo of herself, say, in a bikini. The worst thing you could do is make her close down her page permanently; she'll likely just create another one with a different screen name that you won't know anything about, Olson and Rosen both said.

Explain why posting such a photo might not be the best idea. Beyond catching the attention of pedophiles, such photos might turn off prospective college admissions officers or employment recruiters who are now savvy enough to check MySpace and Facebook profiles, Hitchcock said.

Check out your child's friends' pages as well. Do they show innocuous photos of a pet guinea pig? Or sultry photos of themselves and your daughter at a party you never even knew she attended?

(By the way, if you see a "friend" doing something worrisome, and your child explains that the person is just a friend of a friend and he doesn't even communicate with him, that could be true; a lot of friends are loosely linked to each other.)

Discuss who can see your child's profile. Because of the urge to have many friends and appear popular, sometimes kids accept a request to be friends from someone they barely or don't even know. Talk to your child about accepting friend requests only from people she really is friends with.

Enlist your child's help to make sure he is taking full advantage of privacy controls that let him limit who can see his profile. "There are precautions you can take, but they are not the defaults," Hitchcock said. "You have to hunt for them sometimes."

Say to your child, "We're totally cool with you doing the MySpace thing, but we want you to know what the dangers are," Olson said.

TIP

Another popular site among teens that should be monitored: YouTube

What is it? YouTube is different from MySpace or Facebook. It's a video uploading and viewing site. It was founded in 2005 by two guys who met when they were working at PayPal. Google bought it in 2006 for $1.65 billion. More than 100 million video clips are available.

You can see videos by putting in keywords. Anyone can post videos taken with a video camera or cell- phone video. The videos range from compelling to ridiculous to disgusting.

The perils: More what your child watches than what he posts, the experts say. "It's a little bit harder to find out if they're posting videos of themselves. I wouldn't be as concerned about that as what they're watching," said Jayne Hitchcock, a technology expert.

Although YouTube doesn't allow pornography, we all know how close you can get to that line without technically crossing it.

MySpace vs. Facebook

MySpace was started in 2003 and has been populated by mostly teens, twentysomethings and thirtysomethings, although anyone can join.

Word is Facebook is more white-collar than MySpace - it was started in 2005 by a guy from Harvard as a way for college students to replicate their schools' facebooks online - hence the name. (A facebook usually has a headshot, name, major and hometown of incoming freshmen.) It has since opened to the public.

Both sites have millions of users.

Facebook asks for more details than MySpace when starting a profile page, but remind your child that he doesn't have to provide all the requested information. For instance, your child shouldn't list his cell- phone number.

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