Experts: Spitzer disgrace damages teen daughters

By Lauren Johnston and Marlene Naanes | lauren.johnston@am-ny.com and MNaanes@am-ny.com

March 12, 2008

Eliot Spitzer, Silda Wall Spitzer, Jenna Spitzer, Elyssa Spitzer, Sarabeth Spitzer

New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, right, arrives for a church service in Albany, N.Y., with his family in this Jan. 1, 2007 file photo. From left are, Spitzer's daughter, Jenna; wife, Silda Wall Spitzer; and daughters, Elyssa; and Sarabeth. (TIM ROSKE, Associated Press / March 10, 2008)

Gov. Eliot Spitzer did not just disgrace himself. Besides hurting his wife and angering his constituents, he also has risked the well-being of his three teenage daughters, experts said.

The immediate effects on the children, Alyssa, 17, Sarabeth, 15, and Jenna, 13, may be social withdrawal, but they are also at risk of longer-term trust issues in their own relationships with men, psychologists said.

"They need to keep an eye on these girls now," said Sari Locker, a sex educator and psychologist. "It's far more than finding out their father is adulterous, their names are in the press with a very large scandal. From the morning news shows to the late night comedians everybody is talking about it all day."

The Spitzer girls are also teenagers who are just beginning to explore their sexuality and enter into their first relationships. Seeing their mother hurting and betrayed could contribute to future issues with men, experts said.

"The cheating on the mother, it could certainly shake their ability to trust men, that's to put it mildlyto think that your father is turned on by prostitutes rather than a beautiful woman like their mother, they're going to need some good therapy," said Brenda Shoshanna, a psychologist and relationship counselor.

Children have to work hard to process the issues tied to an adulterous father during their young adult years to have loving, successful future relationships, Locker said. Their mother's decision to stay or divorce a cheater also could form what the girls' values will be.

If their mother forgives their father, the girls could decide to do the same if they are cheated on, said Renana Brooks, a Washington, D.C.-based psychologist.

"They could accept the same problem," she said. "It either makes them cautious or in denial."

Yet a mother's decision could teach her daughters two different positive lessons: that they should work through the problems in a marriage or that adultery is a deal breaker, Locker said.