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Silda Wall Spitzer still standing by her man

BY ELIZABETH MOORE | elizabeth.moore@newsday.com

March 13, 2008

Once again, those immensely sad, gentle eyes, now rimmed with exhaustion. Again, the steady, silent presence at her philandering husband's shoulder as he surfaced for three minutes to face the political music for an incomprehensible lapse in conduct.

It was Silda Wall Spitzer's second stand-by-your-man media role in three days. Only this time there was an unmistakable six inches of air visible between her and her husband of 20 years.

"The remorse I feel will always be with me," the governor said, reading from a prepared statement.

"Silda, are you leaving him?" a reporter shouted at her back as the two exited the room.

It's been one of the most vigorously debated topics of the whole sorry mess on Web boards and call-in shows this week: why this Harvard-trained lawyer who suspended her high-profile career to raise Spitzer's children and support his political ambitions would now put herself through this iconic form of humiliation.

Feminists have decried the poor example it sets for teenage girls, while others called it a pragmatic move to shore up his precarious legal position. The wife of former New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey said she stood with her disgraced husband for the sake of the daughter they shared.

But Spitzer's public contrition Wednesday may give a hint, some observers say, that Silda's choice makes more sense on more levels than most people understand.

"We way underestimate the power of the woman in this position," said Helen Fisher, a Rutgers University anthropologist who has studied adultery in 42 societies as author of "Why We Love."

"What looks like powerlessness on the outside may be a person who has finally got a husband who's contrite and apologetic, and less demanding and more attentive, and more willing to behave like a partner."

The contrast could not be sharper this week between the gleeful "Spitzenfreude" exhibited by the governor's many political enemies and the protective shield erected by Silda's numerous friends, who have generally begged off any comment other than to send their thoughts and prayers her way.

"Is there no decorum over there?" Spitzer spokesman Errol Cockfield wrote in response to e-mailed questions about the first lady's plans Wednesday, on a day when an interview with "Kristin," the prostitute alleged to have entertained the governor, was posted on The New York Times Web site.

Silda had accepted and smoothly adapted to the traditional first lady role, filling in for her husband at speeches and kicking off tourism campaigns, even as he admitted to reporters that she questioned the price their family was paying for his political wars in Albany. Now begins the work of shedding that life -- from her "I Live New York" initiative to retain young people in the state to her "Greening the Mansion" working group to make their official residence more energy-efficient. In October, she was elected to head the New York State Commission on National and Community Service.

But the folks over at Children for Children, the charity Silda founded to tap New York kids' philanthropic spirits, insist that her travails will not cause them to miss a beat. Children for Children will host its annual gala at Christie's on May 21. Last year's event drew 1,000 well-heeled donors -- though, of course, its chair then was the wife of a governor widely talked about as presidential timber.

"We're continuing to focus on our work and our mission," Children for Children director Maggie Jones said Wednesday.