Wednesday, March 7, 2001: For Some, Breaking The Bank For Special Care Pays Off

Jeff Kunerth | Sentinel Staff Writer

Every meeting is agonizing. Anita Holley visits her mother at Clare Bridge Cottage nursing home a couple of times a week, and it's always the same. "Can I go with you?" asks Charlotte Smith in her high-pitched, Minnie Mouse voice.

"No, not today," replies Holley. "Then when can I?" says Smith, 85, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease.

"Soon," says Holley. "Soon, you can come. Soon."

Smith has been in the Leesburg nursing home that specializes in "memory care" since Jan. 20. Until October, she had lived by herself for 18 years, ever since her husband died of a heart attack. There is a picture of him on the dresser in her nursing-home room with the inscription, "To the sweetest little wife in the whole world. Love, Charlie."

SLIPPING INTO DEMENTIA

An independent, self-sufficient woman who spent her life as a seamstress, Charlotte Smith began to show signs of dementia six months ago.

Holley and her husband took away Smith's car keys, then moved her into their mobile home in Mount Dora. But it didn't work out. Complaining that she was cold, Smith would wear eight layers of clothing and resist all attempts to bathe her.

"I'd tell her, `Mom, you're beginning to smell,' " Holley said. "But getting her into the shower was about impossible."

DAUGHTER NOW PLAYS PARENT

Smith required constant supervision. Holley felt her own life being consumed by her mother's behavior. At 64, Holley had hoped she would be enjoying her retirement.

"I feel guilty sometimes. She was always there for me. But my sister-in-law tells me, `You have to have a life, too,' " Holley says. "We want to go fishing and other things you do when you retire."

Clare Bridge is Charlotte Smith's second nursing home. The first one, closer to Holley's home, lasted one day. Just hours after Holley left her mother at the home, she received a call that Smith had been found wandering down the street with a butcher knife in her hand.

Clare Bridge is not cheap. It costs Smith $27,600 a year. To pay for the care, Holley is selling her mother's house. After the money is gone, maybe two or three years from now, Holley will have to move her mother to another facility. Clare Bridge does not take Medicaid.

But for now, it's a good place for Charlotte Smith. The staff is attentive, kind and patient. The building looks more like a nice hotel than a nursing home.

"This is like state of the art," Holley says.

PORCH CONVERSATIONS

Mother and daughter are sitting on the back porch of the nursing home. There's a cool breeze blowing through the screens. Smith has heavy-lidded, hound-dog eyes and snow-white hair straight as straw. She sits with her arms folded across her chest.

Seated across from each other are two other nursing-home residents.

"How long are we staying?" one asks the other.

"I don't know," the other one replies. "I don't even know how I got here."