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Punchlines

Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com

February 14, 2008

Comedy writer Janice Hough: "While campaigning in Virginia this week, Hillary Clinton promised there would be no new scandals involving her husband, former President Bill Clinton. And they say Obama's campaign is a fairy tale?"

Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "For the first time, President Bush mentioned the U.S. presidential elections in a speech on Friday. Mr. Bush's curiosity in the White House race was short-lived, however, when he found out superdelegates couldn't fly."

Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Senate Republicans blocked a bid by Democrats to add $44 billion in the stimulus package to help the elderly. Another sign Republicans hate John McCain."

David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman," on Mitt Romney dropping out of the presidential race: "I think I'm going to miss Mitt Romney. He looked like the white hunter who ignores Tarzan's warning."

Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Congratulations to presidential candidate Barack Obama. He won a Grammy ... for best spoken word album. Boy, there's four words you haven't heard in the same sentence in a while - 'presidential' and 'best spoken word.'"

Comedy writer Alan Ray: "'Sesame Street' turns 39 in 2008. You can tell the characters on the show are getting older. The Count now adds up his cholesterol."