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Punchlines

Compiled by Ken Rasak, who can be reached at ken@kenrasak.com

May 1, 2008

Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Hillary Clinton says she's willing to debate Barack Obama. This is

what she said, 'Anytime, anywhere,' and she would even meet him 'in the back of a truck.' Which is surprising, because the 'anytime, anywhere, even in back of a truck' offer is usually made by Bill Clinton."

David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Now that Hillary has the big comeback win in Pennsylvania, she's getting a little cocky. She's now saying that if she gets that 3 a.m. phone call she's gonna let it go to

voice mail."

Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Prince William's image may be hurt by his recent antics with a military helicopter. A rich

young man born into privilege who is destined for the throne because of his bloodlines, who is not taking his stint in

the military seriously? Thank goodness that could never happen here in America."

Comedy writer Jake Novak: "The first stimulus checks are being deposited in the accounts of taxpayers who were smart enough to sign up for direct deposit with the IRS. But the really smart tax payers are just having their checks deposited directly to their local gas station."

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "Roger Clemens is denying he has had a 10-year-affair with country star Mindy McCready that started when she was 15 and he was 28. When asked if the relationship was platonic, Clemens said, 'No, it happened here on Earth.' "